Walking the Line Between Want and Need
by Nottoca
Summary: After a quick encounter, Roy & Riza find they're walking the line between what you want and what you need. Can they find a way for their relationship to work? Mangaverse, RoyxRiza, Royai. Lemon.
1. Chapter 1

Rewrite: 5/28/07

i don't own FMA - i'm just sharing the weird stories that keep running thru my slightly obsessive mind. please excuse all spelling and grammar errors – those i actually do own.

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I want you. I can't even look up from the papers on my desk because just looking at you makes me want you all the more.

I close my eyes and concentrate on each breath I take, slowly calming myself, trying to disperse my physical desire. If you knew, you would say I should be concentrating on my paperwork instead thinking about you. I've spent most of my day trying not to look up at you because I don't think I could tear my eyes away and be satisfied with just that single glimpse. I want to stare at you, study every part of your body. Your hair should be loose, not pulled back so harshly and I want to see you when you bite your lip as you read a troubling report.

Of course I couldn't be content with just looking either.

Perhaps I could stand and stretch while looking out the window., Except you would tell me to get back to my paperwork and but if you speak, if I were to hear your voice, I would have the same problems as I would looking at you.

I don't even know if you feel the same for me – if I knew you didn't, if I could be sure you could never think of me that way perhaps I could make this obsession go away. Perhaps then I could make this all-consuming need for you to disappear.

I could try to send you away but I know you wouldn't leave. I could try to force you away, perhaps by saying such harsh and cruel things you would run from me, but I couldn't make myself hurt you that way. I never want you to cry because of me. The last time I saw those tears, it nearly killed me.

Even if you don't desire me as I do you or you don't care about me more than you would any an extendedclose family member, I couldn't live without your friendship and your support. I need to know you're there for me. Even iIf I can't have you the way I dream of, I still have to know you will support me. I'm weak and I can't do it alone. I need your strength now more than ever.

The scent of your perfume with the cool evening breeze from the open window drives me crazy, bringing out my longing for your scent when I go to sleep and when I awaken. I would freely give everything I have to feel your body next to mine, to stroke your hair, caress your bare silky skin, kiss your delicate lips, to feel your soft, hot body surrounding me and hear you cry out my name.

And _I know_ it's all a dream, a dream held just beyond my reach, a mere fantasy never meant to come true, yet it doesn't stop me from wanting it to be real. With all I've done and the lives I've taken, I know it's something I don't deserve and should never hope to achieve. But for just a minute, for just one second, I can close my eyes and allow myself to dream about you and me together. It's those few brief moments I live for.

* * *

Tucking a stray blond curl behind my ear, I can hear the frustration in your sigh from my seat across the room. I know how much you hate paperwork, but it still needs to get done. I struggle with myself to keep from looking up. When looking at you, the temptation becomes too great; every single reason I give myself to keep away disappears. I want to run my hands through your short black hair and for my fingers to be able to stroke those lines of frustration from your face. I want to take away all the rules and regulations that say that such a simple touch from me can never happen.

I close my eyes and bite my lip trying to stop my mind from wandering, but it doesn't work. I'm your lieutenant and you're my commanding officer; if I want to continue to serve and protect you, there can never be anything more to our relationship than that of a superior and a subordinate.

If it were all gone, could we be together? The uniforms, the guns, the weapons and the alchemy, everything we've ever said and done, gone from our lives. Undo the horrible things from our past, bring back the lives of the people we've killed and cleanse their blood from our hands and our souls. I want for us to be free, but I can't change the past. Even thinking about it is merely a form of self-torture. Besides, would you even want me?

How _do_ you think of me? Am I your sister, your friend, your confidante, or could you _ever_ see me as more? Am I just your bodyguard with a gun or am I a woman you could possibly love? Or would that be asking too much? Have you ever thought of… us… together?

I've seen you with other women, those beautiful girls that make you laugh so you'll flash that delicious smirk of yours. Do you know how much it hurts me to see you with them? Do you even care? Knowing they can wake up next to you and I never can kills me a little with each and every girl I see you with. I know I'm not beautiful, or elegant or even feminine. I just fade into the background, I don't' flirt, I don't wear makeup and, I don't even use hairspray. What could ever make you take a second glance at me?

But I chose this path, I chose to follow you and I still believe in your goal. I chose to stand by you and I refuse to leave. I just wish you would let me lie with you as well. But you've never shown the slightest interest. I bite my lip a bit harder and swallow the lump in my throat, trying so very, very hard not to want what I know I can't have.

* * *

Nine o'clock. Riza clicked off the light on her desk and took her purse from her desk drawer. A mere second later, Roy turned off his own desk light and retrieved his coat from the coat rack by the door. Still not looking at the blonde woman, he tugged on his coat. Taking her jacket he helped her slip it on, and he allowed himself to enjoy her scent and the heat from her body. After straightening her collar, his hands came to rest on her shoulders and stayed there for just a second. Reluctantly, his hands slid down off her shoulders and down her arms. Taking a deep breath he just enjoyed her scent and just being that close to her. She turned to thank him and for a moment, they stood looking at each other, bodies separated by a foot of space and minds separated by a rule. Neither said a word, they just stared, studying everything about the other person and burning it into their minds. She with her long blonde hair held up with a clip, he with black hair barely tamed into submission. Arms and hands hunganging loosely at their sides, neither person moving. He noticed the fullness of her lips, and the appealing way she rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. Then their eyes caught, deep black holding rich mahogany pools, saying more than words ever had.

He took a step closer, now less than 6 inches separated them. She could feel his heated breath mix with hers and the warmth radiating from his body. Yet they moved no closer, still just watching each other. His hand rose slightly but halted at waist level and lowered back to his side. His onyx eyes now only reflected sadness, with a touch of regret.

Taking a step back, he finally spoke, "Good night, lieutenant."

She retrieved her purse from her desk and walked through the door he held open for her. "Good night sir."

He flicked off the light and locked the door before taking a look at the lone figure walking away from him down the hall. Turning he walked the opposite direction.

* * *

my new birth control medicine has made pms even more fun. instead of being angry at nothing, i'm now just touchy and very close to tears over anything. but if it helps with the cramps, i don't care. i'm not going to mark this as complete because a) it doesn't end happy (i gotta have a happy-ish ending), b) i don't feel like it and c) crying too hard (kinda kidding on that last one). so there will probably be another chapter but it will have to wait til pms is done. and this part isn't quite as polished as i would like it so i'll most likely be rewriting this in the next few days.

comments? reviews? death threats? please don't make me cry again.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't have money, don't make any money, don't sue. (pretty easy, really)

**LEMON WARNING!!! SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU'RE UNDERAGE OR DON'T LIKE LEMONS. I CAN'T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH.**

5/2/07 - i fixed a few descriptions that didn't flow quite right and went a bit further into their thoughts during the lemon. i also remembered to add a lemon warning (as you can see).

5/28/07 – another revision

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"Lieutenant," he turned and called out. "It's gotten dark and I believe I should walk you home."

Riza turned around to look at the man in uniform quickly walking back toward her. "You needn't bother, sir. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." His heals clicked sharply on the linoleum floor of the hallway.

"I know you are; it would just make me feel better. After all, Scar is still on the loose."

"Scar is after state alchemists, not their subordinates. By all rights I should be the one walking you home." He was close enough for her to see his face and the usual smirk he wore.

"Humor me, lieutenant."

"Yes sir."

* * *

They were both quiet on the way to her apartment, the walk made in a companionable silence. He insisted on accompanying her to her front door and watched her open it with her key. Pushing the door open, she stepped inside and turned to thank the Colonel. In the dim light of the hallway her eyes became a rich brown yet they still reflected that touch of sadness, the small smile on her lips not quite reaching those beautiful eyes. He wanted to stroke her cheek and tell her everything would be all right, but how could he speak such words knowing they weren't true. False assurances would probably just annoy her since she knew as well as he that every move they made was now overshadowed with danger. Since Hughes death he hadn't seen a real smile on her face, but then again, he couldn't recall really smiling either. Just as he had, she had taken the death of their friend hard. Up until then, their actions and the things they'd learned had never been seen as life-threatening and it was a harsh price to pay to learn otherwise. In a matter of minutes everything had changed. It was quite obvious that anyone who got in the way could be disposed of in a similar fashion. Hughes death had changed their perspective and while they weren't even sure what it was that he had learned that cost him his life, Roy was determined to find out. Hughes death had made him realize how important his friends were. And how very important Riza was to him. The thought of loosing her scared him more than anything else. He was determined to reach his goal but if Riza wasn't beside him it would be a bittersweet victory at best. He wasn't even sure he could make it alone.

"I appreciate you walking me home sir." Her voice broke through his thoughts.

"Not a problem, lieutenant." He replied. But neither of them moved; they just stood in the doorway and stared at each other. Her gaze soon fell to the doorknob he rested his hand on. His long fingers, not currently covered with his gloves, fascinated her. How she would love to feel those fingers on her body, touching her, stroking her hair, caressing her bare skin... It was a ridiculous fantasy, she reminded herself and with a sad smile, she made ready to close the door.

Before she realized what was happening, he'd taken a step towards her, bowed his head and pressed his lips to hers. One hand naturally wrapped around her waist and the other held the back of her head, pulling her close. Too startled to react, Riza froze, her eyes still open, looking questioningly into his. Her commanding officer was kissing her! Roy Mustang! Never in a million years had she ever thought something like this would happen. True, she had daydreamed about it, but she'd never thought he would even consider kissing her and now she was so surprised she was completely frozen, giving him no response.

Noticing her cold reaction, Roy pulled back, releasing his grip on her body and hesitating when finding the surprised expression on her face. His eyes lowered to look at her red lips. They had just looked so tempting, so enticing, just begging to be kissed. Damn it! He gave into his desires and had crossed the line between friend and lover - the line that he shouldn't have even considered crossing. With her unenthusiastic response she told him everything he needed to know, sending his heart plummeting into his stomach. She quite obviously didn't feel the same way for him as he felt for her. Slightly ashamed of his impulsive behavior, he let out a pent up breath and spoke softly, unable to look back into her eyes. "I-I'm sorry Lieutenant. I shouldn't have done that. Please forget I-"

Riza quickly glanced up and down the hall before suddenly grabbing him by the lapels of his coat and dragging him into her apartment and closing the door behind him. As soon as she heard the click of the door, her lips were pressed to his; easily expressing the feelings Roy had been hoping for earlier. His arms wrapped around her, again pulling her to him, enjoying the heat from her mouth. The way their bodies fit together, molding perfectly to fit with that of the other; it was as if their bodies were created solely for this, her soft curves pressed tightly to his well muscled form. Her lips parted slightly, just enough to suck on his lower lip. Opening further, she allowed her tongue to trace the seam of his mouth. He obligingly opened, his tongue slipping out to meet hers and coax her into his mouth, giving them their first taste of each other. She found her hands sliding up his chest, pushing the cloth of his coat off his shoulders.

"Riza," he whispered into her mouth. "If I don't leave now I won't be able to stop." He warned.

"Good, don't stop… please… not now. I want you to stay." She said softly. He looked down at her to see the desire burning in her eyes. The way her lips were slightly parted, her bottom lip held between her teeth and her softly panting breaths making her chest rise and fall against him all aroused him even more. Her hand snaked up to stroke his cheek. She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to strengthen herself to take the blow of his refusal, laying the side of her face against his chest. Inhaling deeply, she briefly enjoyed his scent, burning it into her memory before speaking. "Please, I need you... just once. I promise I won't ever ask you again." She whispered.

It then hit him just how much she wanted him right now and he was unable to deny her what he'd been craving himself. He knew it was wrong and he knew he should be stronger and refuse, but if she wanted it too then maybe just once would be alright.

Riza moaned as he pushed her back against the wall, his body pressing against hers and their lips locked in an agonizingly slow kiss. He was like a drug, addictive and making her crave more; she was even stupidly confident she could stop after tasting him once. As foolish and unrealistic a thought, she never wanted this to end. If they never stopped, did that count as having him just once? Reluctantly releasing her mouth, Roy looked deep into her mahogany eyes and asked the weighing question on his mind. "And you're absolutely sure you want this?"

Her eyes closed as she placed small butterfly kisses along his jaw, finally whispering her positive reply into his ear. "More than anything. I need you and I need you now." Her hot breath and husky voice sending a shiver through his body that settled in his groin, adding to the pool of desire steadily collecting there since she'd dragged him into her apartment. Her hands slid from his shoulders, down over his chest to the front of his pants, but instead of unbuttoning his pants she ran her hands over his well muscled stomach. She pushed him far enough away to pull his shirt up over his head and dropped it on the floor. The smooth skin of his chest was softly illuminated by the lamp in the living room she kept on in the evenings. She ran her mouth down over his chest, licking his nipple gently when she reached it, teasing it with her teeth.

With shuddering breaths, he removed her jacket and pulled up her shirt to expose the dark blue lace bra she was wearing. Groaning, he pushed her harder back against the wall and moved his mouth down to lick along the edge of the delicate fabric. "You look unbelievable, better than I'd ever imagined… So pretty. With such. Soft. Skin…" he said between kisses. Not bothering to unhook her bra, he pulled the cups down to expose the creamy skin of her breasts. The cool air caused her nipples to crinkle and the sensation drew a soft mewling noise from her throat, both things that seemed to please him greatly. The wonderful sounds she made only raised his desire. How many different sounds could he get her to make?

His tongue circled around her areola, the long gentle laps relaxing and warming the rosy-tips. Pulling back, he blew on her breast and watched the skin pucker again. "Absolutely beautiful…" he mumbled as her breathing turned to shallow gasps. Lowering his head again and using the entire rough surface of his tongue he licked at her breasts, causing her to roll her head back against the wall and groan softly. Her hands ran through his hair, holding his head to her chest. When he started sucking, drawing her into his mouth, the groan turned to a whimper. The soft sounds of pleasure made by his usually composed lieutenant made him smirk with delight. He changed breasts, lavishing attention upon the other one. Meanwhile, his fingers were working to unfasten her pants, roughly pulling them down once unzipped. She kicked off her shoes and struggled out of her pants, flinging them down the hall with a kick of her foot.

His fingers dipped into the blue lace panties, sliding down between the damp fabric and the soft blond curls. She was soaking. Surely she couldn't have become this wet in just the few seconds they'd been kissing. Had she been thinking of him or was she now imagining he was someone else? Was it really possible she could have wanted this as much as he did? She had pulled him into her apartment after all.

As his fingers brushed the right spot, her body automatically arched toward him, her partially exposed breasts pushing up toward him while she tried to stifle her cry by biting her lip. Her fingernails scraped across his back, leaving angry red welts, but the pain only aroused him more. The pants of his uniform were becoming uncomfortably tight, but the nimble fingers of Riza's hand quickly remedied the problem. Sucking on her collarbone, he sighed when she finally tore down his pants and boxer shorts, allowing her to finally touch him. Taking him into her hand she firmly stroked his length, marveling at the wonderfully pliable velvety skin over his rock hard cock. His breaths were shallow, becoming hitched and shaky with every stroke and it was her turn to smirk as his eyes closed and his head tipped back with a groan. There was a sort of satisfaction knowing his body was that hard for her and that he wanted this as much as she did.

His hand between her legs moved away, pulling her underwear down with it. Needing to fill the empty feeling left by his hand, she stepped out of her panties and wrapped a long slim leg around his hip to hold him close. One hand on her hip and the other under her knee helped balance her, his rigid cock pressing insistently between her legs. Her hand reached down and skillfully guided him into her, drawing a groan from him as he slid into the tight passage. Pulling back slightly, he thrust his hips back toward her, forcing her against the wall with a soft thump and drawing a whimpering cry from her throat. Soon the only sounds other than flesh slapping flesh and her back hitting the wall was the rugged grunts he made and her soft whimpers. In an effort to keep quiet as she drew closer to an orgasm, she muffled her cries in his neck, enjoying the slightly salty taste of his skin.

His lips bit her earlobe and speaking breathlessly into her ear, he begged, "Say my name, Riza. I want to hear you say it."

"Roy," she moaned softly. She called his name. Not Colonel. Not sir. She called him Roy just like in his fantasies. It was amazing how erotic just hearing her say his name was. Amazing that one word could express such emotion. His hips thrust into her even harder, pulling most of the way out before driving home again. Each thump of her backside hitting the wall drew that small whimpering cry from her lips.

"Again..." he growled. His leg muscles strained from thrusting into her and he could feel a bead of sweat roll down his back.

"Roy!" her wavering voice was slightly stronger, easily conveying her intense need for him. The hand on her hip moved up to squeeze a breast roughly, rolling and pinching the nipple between his fingers.

His grunts were soft and pleasing in her ear and the growing fire in her belly quickly built to unbearable levels. Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, her orgasm ripped through her body, sending muscles spasming and waves of heat to her extremities. Her sharp cry was cut off by his lips crushing against hers. Her hands clenched, digging her fingernails deeper into this back. The tightening of her muscles around him pushed him over the edge as well, racking his body with a rolling shudder. As his body pumped his hot fluid into her, she gave a sigh of pleasure.

Gasping for breath, Roy leaned over to rest his forehead on the wall next to her head, his chest expanding and contracting harshly against hers. Some of her hair had come loose from her clip and now trailed down over her shoulder, tickling his nose and smelling so good he never wanted to move away. Her lips pressed gentle kisses to his shoulder, reveling in the smooth muscles of his body. Once he released her knee, the leg she had wrapped around his waist slowly slid down the back of his legs until it touched the floor and she was able to support herself once again.

"You should probably go, sir." She eventually whispered. Her eyes were closed and she could still feel small tremors radiating from between her legs.

A wry smile formed on his face. "Already? Was it that bad?"

She reached over and turned his face so she could look into his eyes, the soft unfocused glaze of satisfaction he saw in hers pleasing him more than words could express. "I just don't want this to cause trouble." Her lips found his and placed a series of small gentle kisses to them

"Give me a minute. I want to stay like this for just a moment before I have to go. I need to remember you like this." With a soft smile, she lowered her head and rested her cheek on his chest, listening to his heart beats as they slowed down. Arms wrapped around her, fitting comfortably between the wall and the curvature of her low back, he rested his cheek against her hair and again inhaled her scent, trying to memorize her smell and the tingling sensations from where her body pressed against his. The faint sweet scent of sweat and sex permeated the air, combining to create their own blended scent.

At that moment, he felt more content than he had in years. It was as if, for just that moment, he was safe in her arms and there was no way the outside world could touch him. Nothing else mattered except being here with her. He loved having her curled against his chest, her heated breaths on his neck and chest.

But, as with all things, the moment was over and reality fell back over them. With a sigh, he backed away, finally separating the link between their bodies. They both silently straightened their clothes, he pulling up his pants and she drawing her shirt back down. Her panties and pants had been tossed somewhere down the dark hall and, seeing as she wasn't going anywhere, she forewent the rest of her uniform.

Still leaning against the wall, she watched him pick up his shirt and jacket from the floor, her eyes sliding down to look at his ass. She felt a sharp jab in her stomach, a combination of satisfaction and a desire for more. Apparently, once wasn't enough. Sure, she had felt his nice and firm bare butt but she wanted to see it as well. Oh, who was she kidding? Even if she could see his bare ass every day of her life she would never grow tired of seeing it. Just like she would never grow tired of feeling his lips on hers or the softness of his hair or seeing his black eyes so close and burning with desire. And she would never forget the feeling of him thrusting into her. Now that she had a taste, would she be able to deny herself again? Oh, and the muscles of his stomach; she couldn't help but admire them as he pulled his shirt over his head. Shaking her head to bring her thoughts back to the present, she realized she still wanted him – even more now, if that was possible. "I'm sorry sir," she whispered hesitantly. "Maybe I shouldn't have dragged you in here-"

He cut her off with a frown. "I wanted this too. You were all I could think about this afternoon." He came over and brushed her lips with his. "I wish I could stay; maybe then I could see more of your apartment than just the hallway." He smirked as she flushed lightly. "This wasn't something I forced you into, was it?"

She shook her head and smiled. "I'd been thinking of it all day, too. Longer actually." She sighed. "But you better go."

"Good night Lieutenant." He ran a hand through his hair and opened the door.

"Good night, sir."

Before she could close the door, he turned around and blocked the doorway. "I can't understand why you're against the whole miniskirt thing - you've got great legs." He gave her his usual smirk and his eyes glittered mischievously, looking down at her still bare limbs.

"Good night, sir." She said firmly, placing a hand on his head and pushing him out the door, shutting it behind him with a smile that actually shone in her eyes.

The colonel left the building and started his walk home whistling a song, albeit slightly out of tune. The sexual tension between he and Riza had finally broken leaving him more relaxed than he'd been since Hughes death.

In the shadows of a building across the street, a lone figure watched the man walk away. "Pride should be pleased with this information…" the figure purred softly.

TBC

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i would really appreciate feedback on this, including suggestions on where to go with it (please don't say to hell) 


	3. Chapter 3

Revised: 5/28/07

disclaimer: i don't own FMA and i don't make any money from writing my crazy thoughts about it either.

i went back and edited chapter 2 cause i wasn't happy with it. because this is a WIP i'll be doing editing on all chapters but when i do, i'll let people know in the latest posting.

i also want you all to know i'm a review whore and since i don't actually have anything more written not to mention i'm not quite sure about where i'm going, encouragement, comments or suggestions or a plotline would be appreciated. they would also keep my interest in this story. remember, i've got the attention span of a – oh look something shiny!! ooooooo, pretty!

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"I'm nuts aren't I?" Roy asked the man sitting across the room. Elbow on his desk, chin resting in his cupped palm while the fingers of his other hand drummed against his desk as he studied the figure on the couch. 

"You are the one talking to a dead man. And if I may I point out, for you, being crazy is nothing new." Hughes's legs were crossed and an arm was draped across the back of the couch. He looked exactly as he had when Roy had last seen him alive.

"Great, a witty dead man. I don't suppose you could tell me why you were killed."

"Nope. I don't know until you do - try to remember I'm all in your head, so I only know what you know." Hughes familiar grin smiled back.

"If you're only in my mind, why do I see you everywhere?" Roy's free hand rose to hold his forehead.

"Guilt. You've always had a problem with guilt. Trying to take the responsibility for things you had no control over. Things like my death."

"I am responsible," Roy didn't look up. "I dragged you into this and now you're dead."

"You dragged me into nothing. I was doing some research for FullMetal." Hughes voice was cold. "Have you heard of this new thing - they call it free will."

Roy sighed. "Hmmm. Perhaps I should look into it."

"So what's up with you and Riza?" Hughes wiggled his eyebrows and smirked at the man behind the desk.

Roy groaned. "I should have known you'd bring that up. Finding me a wife was your main concern when you were alive, what made me think you dying would change that?"

"Everyone needs another person sometime in their lives and you've needed someone since I met you."

"But what makes you think Riza's the one?"

"Anyone with eyes can see how important you are to her. I've been telling you that for years."

Roy rocked back in his chair, slightly unfocused eyes and a frown on his face. "I never thought she cared for me like that. The closer she gets to me, the more dangerous her life will be. She deserves someone who's free to give her a better life. Someone who can keep her safe and give her everything she needs."

"And if you're what she wants?"

"She's smarter than that."

Hughes snorted at his friend's comment. "One would think so, but she's determined to stay by your side."

"She's loyal to a fault."

Hughes sighed again. "You've always had trouble seeing things that are right in front of your face."

"And you died because of it. I should have seen how dangerous things were getting."

"You were in a different city, how could you have seen the danger? You're being an idiot."

Roy smiled. "Now it's just her who tells me that. Well, her and Fullmetal."

"You love her right?" Hughes asked, leaning forward as Roy's eyes flashed to look at his friend. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Hughes continued. "I'll take that as a yes."

"I don't know. What's your point with this?"

"She loves you. I've been telling you that for years."

"And I still think you're full of shit. She can't seriously love me; I just caught her off guard."

"_You_ caught _her_ off guard? She's the one who dragged you into her apartment, right?" Hughes said with a small chuckle. "Lets look at this another way. She's followed you faithfully for years." Roy nodded. "Protecting you from your unthinking actions, right?"

"Yes…" Roy agreed hesitantly.

"Whether you two are… in a relationship or not, she'll always be in danger when around you."

"So I should get her to leave?"

Hughes laughed at him. "_Get_ her to leave? You're forgetting that she will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and to her, leaving you to defend yourself would most definitely not be keeping you safe."

Roy hated to admit it but Hughes was right. It would be much safer to keep her close so he could watch over her as she protected him. It wasn't exactly a physical attack on her that he feared - she could defend herself quite well with her weapons. It was an action by the military he feared most. If a higher up found out that he even tended to favor her, much less had had a physical relationship with her, the repercussions to her career and life would be severe. As an alchemist and a man, such things were the slightest bit more 'understandable' than for the female participant.

* * *

Havoc glanced at the door to the Colonel's office. "He's been in there talking on the phone for the last half hour. Who could he be talking to for that long? You know, with Hughes… gone." His smoking cigarette hung limply from his lips and his heels were propped up on his desk. He tilted his head back and watched the trail of smoke floating to the ceiling. 

"He can't be on the phone. The phones in our building have been disconnected for the day so the main line wiring can be replaced." Fury piped up, looking up from his magazine.

"So who's he talking to?"

"We're all here and Hawkeye's at target practice..." Havoc said glancing around the room. Breda and Falman looked up from their chess game.

"It can't be Full Metal or there'd be more yelling," Breda stated.

"And it can't be Armstrong – there aren't any sparkles." Falman reasoned.

"So who is he talking to?" Havoc asked again.

"Who is whom talking to, lieutenant?" Hawkeye came into the office and set her pistols on her desk. The chessboard and magazine disappeared and pens were instantly scribbling on neglected paperwork. The only person who hadn't returned to work was Havoc. He still sat smoking his cigarette with feet on the desk watching Hawkeye retrieve her materials for cleaning her weapons.

"The chief." He said gesturing with his head to the Colonel's door. "He'd been in there talking since you left but we don't think there's anyone else in there."

* * *

"How do you know when you're in love with someone?" 

Hughes tipped his head as if carefully watching Roy before giving his reply. "You just do."

"That doesn't help…"

"What do you feel like when you're with her - not what you felt during sex, but just in her presence?"

"It used to be so comfortable; she knows me so well that she didn't even need to talk to me… except to remind me about paperwork." He gave a small smirk that quickly disappeared with his next statement. "Since your death, it's been different. Loosing you, made me more appreciative of what I still have. More appreciative of her. When she's in the room I can feel her every movement; her every action. I don't even need to see her, I can tell it's her by just the sound of her footsteps or just her breathing. Without her with me, I'm nervous; I need to know where she is and that she's safe. I miss her."

"How often do you think about her?" Hughes asked, gauging Roy's expressions.

"When she's in the room or when I'm alone?"

"Both."

"What's she wearing?" Roy asked suggestively with his old smirk.

"You're stalling Roy. Just answer the question."

"A lot. When she's in the room within my sight, I think about her constantly, especially if I can catch the scent of her perfume. When I'm alone I find myself looking around for her and when I realize she's not there, I want to know what she's doing. I listen for one of her quiet prompts or a dry comment that I should be doing something productive."

"And if she were gone?"

Roy was silent, a sickened look on his face.

"What if she were to date another man?"

"No." His gaze was cold. "I…"

With a soft sigh, Hughes arose and approached Roy, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You're jealous. Of a non-existent man. You, my friend, are in love."

"Is it supposed to hurt this much?"

"For you, probably. You never were one to do things the easy way. You fell for the woman who loves you the most, regardless of who she is. Unfortunately she's one of the few women you can't be with."

"I don't know about the loving me part, but she's definitely the one woman just out of reach…" Roy lowered his head and sighed. "I can't get her out of my head, Hughes. She's so…" he couldn't even find the words do describe her.

"You could always transfer her to another department. The only reason you can't have her is because she's your subordinate." The figure of Hughes walked back toward the couch and settled onto the worn brown leather.

"Right before you died, I considered transferring her to your command and asking you to assign her to work with me." Roy admitted. "If I try that now, not only do I not know who I could safely transfer her under, she'd probably shoot me for trying."

"If you're lucky she'd aim for an arm or leg and not directly between your legs. But I think she's rather fond of that part of you, so you're probably safe there."

Roy groaned and banged his head on his desk. "For a dead man, you're not much help."

"You thought, as a dead guy, I would be?" Hughes asked with his disgustingly annoying smile.

"Don't you have special powers or something? Can't you snap your fingers and make it all work out?" Roy grumbled. Impatiently, he stood and looked out the window, watching military figures walking between the buildings.

Hughes snickered. "Snapping fingers is your area. And if I could get whatever I wanted that way, I'd be alive right now."

"Why do I end up with the defective dead guy? A witty, defective dead guy."

"Try to remember I'm not a ghost."

"Yeah, I know. You're all in my head." Silence filled the room for a moment. Roy turned from the window to study the figure still sitting comfortably on his couch.

* * *

Leaving her guns and cleaning supplies lying out on her desk, Riza leaned against it and stared at the closed door of her commanding officer's office, as if she could see through the solid wood. What they'd done last night… it was even better than any of her fantasies. She didn't regret it… hell, she'd been dreaming of it for a very long time now and he'd just looked so hurt when she didn't return his kiss that she couldn't help but pull him into the privacy of her apartment to show him how she really felt. Things had just gone a bit further than she'd originally intended – she'd only wanted to kiss him once more to show him how wrong his assumption had been, but she quickly found she couldn't stop with just that. He tasted so good, a combination of mint and coffee and he was such a skillful kisser, tempting and tantalizing her with his tongue, teasing her and leaving her praying for more. 

And his hands were magic. Roaming her body, he managed to find every sweet spot she knew she had, as well as one or two previously unknown to her. Yes it had been quick, but it wasn't supposed to be a drawn out sign of affection, it was a quick fuck to satisfy a mutual need.

No, she had no regrets about what they'd done and it had been good, _oh so_ _good_, scratching an itch that had become insufferable. Damn, just thinking about it now got her hot again. But she would have to live with just the memory; they couldn't do it again, they'd already tempted fate with that spur-of-the-moment action.

'_A really, really good spur-of-the-moment action._' A small voice inside her prodded.

Yes it was, but things this morning had been somewhat awkward, neither speaking other than the usual morning trivialities and not really looking each other either. At least she hadn't felt the overwhelming urge to jump him. At least not yet. But she really hadn't been in the room with him alone, either.

Did he regret what they'd done? He may have kissed her first, but she was the one who took control from there. After all, the man would chase anything in a skirt, there was no way he would refuse a willing woman wrapped around him. Even if it was her.

Sigh. It was a one time thing, she reminded herself. Even if by some incredible chance he was willing to be with her again, it was not something they should risk. There were any number of women willing to give him what he wanted, and more. Women he could be seen with, women he could take to dinner and a show, and women who he would be able to take to his bed every night, able to be seen leaving his apartment when day came.

Women who wouldn't destroy his career.

Besides, there was nothing she could give him that he couldn't get from any other woman. So she would continue to protect him; perhaps the only thing she could do that set her apart.

And he needed her protection now. He'd been different since Hughes death. For all she knew, she had changed as well, but there was nothing she could do about that. It was him she worried about and if he was currently in his office talking to himself…

Taking a deep breath she gathered a stack of papers from the corner of her desk. She'd have to face him eventually so she might as well do it now. And while she would treasure the memories of last evening, hopefully they could both act like it had never happened.

* * *

"She whimpered, Hughes." Roy said softly, his mind currently unable to think of anything else but that sound. She'd fit so well in his arms 

"Riza? I can't imagine that sort of noise ever coming from her."

"It was the most… the most unbelievably erotic thing I've ever heard. And it was because of _me_, because of how _I_ touched her. The strongest woman I've ever met whimpered at _my_ touch." The old smirk was, once again, back on his face.

"If she finds out you talk about her, she is going to be really pissed."

"As you said before, I'm talking to a figment of my imagination. Who's going to tell her? The couch?"

"So what are you going to do about it?"

Sigh. "I don't know. She implied it was just a one time thing."

"What do you think?"

"I want more. I want more of her. I know we can't – that we shouldn't, but I want her more than ever. I _need_ her Maes." Roy's eyes closed, leaving an anguished look on his face.

"It's a very dangerous idea, Roy. Are you sure you're thinking with the right head? Try to remember this can be used against you if this sort of thing is discovered. And if you've pissed off the wrong people, and doubtlessly you have, this could even end up with you in the stockade. As for what they'll do with her… are you willing to risk this? Everything you've worked for. Is it worth endangering your lives for it?"

Roy's head fell back into his hands. "I don't know Hughes. The thought of only seeing her at work, never able to kiss her or touch her or smell her again is like torture. I thought as a one-time thing, once would be okay, but I want her even more. And it's not just her body. I need her support to make my way to the top and I need to know she's safe."

"How much is she worth to you?" Silence once again filled the room as the two men looked at each other. "That much, huh?"

"Yeah, that much." Roy said softly.

The soft tap at his door pulled his attention away from his conversation, and before he even realized it, he had called out for the person to enter. The door swung open to reveal his 1st Lieutenant with another stack of papers in hand. She stood in the doorway, hesitantly looking around the room. "Sir? Who were you talking to?"

Roy glanced back to the couch to find it unoccupied. "Ummm…"

TBC

* * *

sorry. i always hate when authors leave cliffhangers, but i think this is where the natural break lies. i have a vague idea of where the next chapter is headed but i'm still searching for ideas and taking suggestions. (help me?) and while you're here, a review would be nice (hint hint) 


	4. Chapter 4

i want to thank everyone who reviewed and i can't say it enough. finding reviews in my inbox really makes my day and lets me know that people actually read the story, giving me an incentive for continuing the story. and i have news:

I FINALLY KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING!! (come on, if you've read any of my other stuff, its safe to assume it's going somewhere near a gutter)

that only took, what, 2 months? sorry about not posting for a few weeks, i had some planning to do. rest assured there will be another lemon and a happy ending (those 2 things just seem to go together well) but, i'm going to torture them a bit first. and i'll try to keep the lemon light for FF and post the full version elsewhere cause this one gets WAY WAY WAY too detailed for here.

Oh, right, back to my decision. i've decided to not bother too much with a plot - i write smut, who needs a good plotline for smut? and because i'm a stickler for details, i decided to turn this into a kind of a unshown scenes from the manga - or what i think should have happened cause we just don't get enough Royai from the manga or anime. so this story is in the MANGAVERSE. the beginning of this takes place somewhere before chapter 26. while being a stickler for details, i also tend to warp events to what fits in my mind. (convenient, huh?) so, if things don't quite fit, I'm sorry. you don't remember or haven't read the manga, just know that part one takes place after hughes death but before the events of Ross's escape

to get all this to work, (as of May 28, 2007) i've done a little editing on the first three chapters, so if you've read the those chapters before May 28, 2007 it may not hurt to go back and review those.

* * *

"Who were you talking to sir?" 

Roy stared at the blond woman still standing in the door way. This was the first he had really allowed himself to take a good look at her since last night, and even in her uniform and with the worried look on her face, she was beautiful. It scared him how his heart jumped in his chest and he was barely able to remain in his seat. With every ounce of willpower, he fought the urge to reach out and wrap his arms around her. If he could only hear that whimper again… he finally got his brain working enough to give her a reply.

"Uumm…" his brain was scrambling to come up with an excuse. For a second he was going to say he'd been on the phone, but he remembered the phones were down for the day. "Aahhh… it was no one, lieutenant. I was just… talking myself through a problem." It was the only thing he could come up with and still sound somewhat sane. What else could he tell her? I was just talking to my dead best friend about my feelings for you and bragging to him how great sex was last night. It didn't exactly give the impression of sanity he wanted to project.

When she finally entered the room, hands filled with papers, the afternoon sunlight streaming thru the window lit up her face. He almost groaned when he saw her beautiful blond hair, in the glow of sunlight, shining in innumerable shades of gold. He wanted to see it down on her shoulders and maybe if he timed and aimed it just right, he could destroy her hair clip with a snap of his fingers. He refrained, knowing such an action would probably earn him a shot to an appendage. A small part of him urged that it might just be worth it.

He'd been thinking of her all morning - actually all of his sleepless last night as well, not to mention his 'conversation' with Hughes. He still hadn't come anywhere close to an answer. He… cared for her. Much more than was appropriate for a CO and subordinate should. Even through Hughes's urging, he hesitated to call it love but it was definitely more than just physical desire. The feeling of lust was familiar to him, but this was different, it was more than that. It probably wasn't love, but he had nothing to compare that emotion to. He'd once heard someone say that when you love another person you will do anything to make them happy, even if it means letting her go. To him, that sounded rather idiotic. If he loved her and she loved him, wouldn't she be happiest being with him? Or was he being selfish and completely unable to understand the concept of love? And she didn't love him. While he was sure the emotions of love and lust could exist for another person, he just wasn't sure it was for him. What had he done to deserve love? Absolutely nothing. That wasn't the reason he had been kept alive. So it wasn't love, but it was more than friendship. All he knew was the he wasn't sure he could survive if she was gone. At times, she was his last handhold to keep him from falling into that familiar pit of self loathing. For some reason, she saw the good in him and made him almost feel worthy of holding the title of Fuehrer someday. Just the thought of being away from her or putting her in danger scared him more than anything. So, he concluded, she was definitely more than a friend but he wasn't in love with her.

Right now, looking at the beautiful woman walking toward him, he almost felt happy. While he may have made the first move, she was the one that pulled him into her apartment to take things further. She had wanted him, be it only physically and only once. She allowed him to touch her body and stroke her skin, to kiss her lips and to hold her in his arms her while surrounding him tightly with her body. All things he'd found himself obsessing over. And it had all felt so good, more than words could express and it was all he could do to think of anything else. Life without her by his side was something he never even wanted to contemplate. He needed her to stay with him forever. Could _this_ possibly be love?

_Her father would have killed me._

But even that brief thought couldn't prevent his mind from straying back to the memory of what she hid under the uniform. Under that ugly, genderless, blue clothing, she was more gorgeous than he'd ever imagined in his any of his fantasies. Her fair, soft skin with rounded curves in all the right places, called to him, begging to be stroked and caressed. And she had been his. Even for that short amount of time they'd spent in that dark hallway, she'd been his and allowed him to hold her so closely in his arms. Even for those few moments afterward. And he couldn't lose her now. He wouldn't lose her now.

Just seeing her standing in the bright sunlight he longed to reach out, drag her onto the desk and fuck her brains out. The couch or the floor would work just as well but he had always wanted to have sex on a desk. Strangely enough, that was one of the few places he hadn't. and he wanted to do it with her and remember it forever. And while every part of his body was urging him toward fulfilling that dream of spending the happiest moments he'd ever had at a desk, a vivid memory of what she could do to him with the pistol on her hip won out.

"Lieutenant, would you please close the door? There is a matter I need to discuss with you."

Riza's heart churned as she turned to close the door behind her. They needed to discuss something? Taking a deep breath, she wiped the emotions from her face before turning around. She was afraid to look him in the eyes now. There was a big difference between knowing they needed to talk and actually discussing their… encounter. Actually, she had futilely hoped he wouldn't bring the subject up. Last night had been fast and hard and rough and everything she wanted from him. Everything she needed from him. But she'd been weak and those few exquisite moments of wild, passionate sex could put everything they'd spent the past several years working for at risk. If anyone found out, their careers and their very lives could be sacrificed, either used as a disciplinary example or just made to disappear.

She couldn't allow such a thing to happen; therefore what they did last night could never happen again. She'd told herself they would only do it once, she would only allow herself that one indulgence and she meant it. This would never happen again. Ever. No matter how much she wanted it and wanted him. And lord, did she want him again.

But what did he want to say to her? Was he going to tell her he regretted everything? That he wished he'd ever offered her the aide position? Was he going to say things had become too uncomfortable and he was going to transfer her from his command? Would he tell her everything was a mistake; that he never wanted to see her again? As much as it would hurt to hear any of those words from his lips, she needed to prepare herself for just such a thing. Tears threatened to well in her eyes just thinking about it and she never wanted to cry in front of him, no matter what was said.

She had to be strong. She knew he could never love her like that, never love her as she loved him. It just wasn't possible and logic only reinforced it. He could have his choice of women, all practically drooling to be with him, so there was no reason he would chose her over all those others. She was nothing special and had nothing to offer that any other woman didn't have. Realizing this opened an empty, aching hole in her chest, a place she knew only he could fill. But it couldn't be helped; there was nothing she could do so she would endure it. She was strong enough to do this. Strong enough to protect him without being with him.

Except just looking at him made that vow next to impossible. It was that lock of hair that sometimes fell across his forehead. Her hand itched to reach out and brush it from his eyes and if she had trouble preventing herself from doing that, she knew coming any closer to him would break her. A distance needed to be kept between them, for, if there wasn't, all her efforts to control her emotions would crumble.

She came to stand in front of his desk, not quite able to look him in the eyes, concentrating on the desk instead, analyzing the piles of papers in the boxes on the side of his desk. Her neat handwritten script labeled one box for incoming paperwork and the other for completed paperwork. Adding the papers in her hands to the already towering stack in the incoming tray, she frowned at the few sheets of paper in the completed tray. Ignoring her churning emotions, she tried to slip back into the familiar role of taskmistress. "Sir, you really must complete more paperwork or you will never be able to finish today's work."

"It is military paperwork, Lieutenant. There is no such thing as finishing it." He rose and walked around the desk, reaching for her hand. She quickly stepped aside and busied herself with tidying his desk, trying to avoid his touch. His hands halted her movements, clasping her hands in his, causing her to reluctantly look up into his face.

"Sir, stop, please." She asked, unaware of the begging look in her eyes that nearly broke him.

Bowing her head again, she sighed and gathered her courage, trying to pull her hands away. She watched his thumb slowly stroking the back of one of her hands, making it difficult for her to concentrate on forming words. When she finally managed to pull away, she was annoyed with herself for the empty feeling left from his contact.

"Sir, please don't." She said again, the tone in her voice quite clearly desperate. Turning back to the desk, she nervously returned to straightening it, stacking papers and placing pens in the pencil cup, trying to prevent herself from reaching for him again. He was just so damn close!

This time it was his arms that wrapped around her waist and pulled her back against his body. The warmth of him enveloped her, and even though her mind told her not to, she found her body relaxing against his, just enjoying the comforting feeling of being held by him.

As he'd been thinking of doing earlier, his fingers unclasped her hair clip allowing her blond strands to fall to her shoulders. He buried his face into her sweet smelling hair to enjoy the soft feel of it. "Riza…" he whispered into her ear, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine. Pulling aside the golden silk of her hair, his lips brushed the skin above the collar of her uniform, kissing his way toward her pulse point. His mouth sealed against the gently throbbing vein on her neck, his tongue slipping out to lick gently at her bare flesh.

Oh, god, how she wanted this man! She'd been so busy preparing herself for the disappointment of rejection that she hadn't even considered what she would do if he wanted more from her! Her mind was racing with possibilities, but one thing stood out like a sore thumb. As pleasing as the idea of being with him was, no matter how wonderful she felt being held in his arms, and the delicious shivers she got from his mouth against her skin, the consequences were just too high.

_But only if you're caught._

Would it be worth it? Her body said yes, screaming and begging for his touch. But she couldn't. Everything, including Hughes' death, could be lost for nothing more than two people who couldn't control their own bodies. She couldn't help but whimper as his mouth moved so his teeth could tug on her earlobe, her vocal sounds turning to a moan as his hands slid up to cup her breasts. Unintentionally, her back arched to press more of her breasts into his hands. Fingertips brushed over her cloth covered nipples, teasing the sensitive skin until he could feel the gently protruding flesh pucker into hard tips, making her wish there wasn't quite so much clothing between their bodies.

Her hands reached behind her to pull his body closer and she gasped as she felt his aroused body pressed into hers. He was hard already!? Oh, god he was so difficult to resist! Eyes closed, she took deep breaths trying to quell her own desire and suppress the feelings he was stirring in her. Yet all she could do was enjoy his scent and the warmth of his body. It was quickly becoming too much for her to control her own emotions, desires and needs.

His mouth worked his way down from her ear leaving hot open mouth kisses along her jaw before she finally gave in and turned her head to kiss his lips. The soft feeling of their lips brushing together sent a euphoric wave thru her body, his tongue hesitating slightly before slipping through her lips to search for her tongue. The lovely taste of his mouth, familiar from the night before flooded over her taste buds, satisfying a craving she didn't even know she'd had. One of his hands slid up to caress her cheek while the other moved down from her breast, over her stomach to settle between the apex of her thighs. Gently stroking her thru the fabric, he pulled her tighter to him and she moaned softly at the intense longing he was able to provoke in her.

Yet there was the smallest twinge of doubt. Why was he doing this to her? Surely he knew they shouldn't be doing this, much less doing this in his office. She'd already established he couldn't love her, so it must be… because she was a convenient female. Surely he couldn't think that she would… the small empty space in her chest widened until she swore it would tear her in two, the pain reaching an unbearable level.

"No!" She cried and pushed him away. "Don't do this to me! I don't- I can't-" Riza gasped, twisting from his arms and stumbled toward the door, leaving a stunned Colonel staring at the closing door.

"Ri-" his voice cut off as the door slammed shut behind her. He was torn – should he go after her or let her cool off? Did she need to cool off? What had he done to upset her so much? Perhaps she disliked the way he touched her? Was the thought of being with him so repulsive?

"Sure blew that one, didn't ya Roy?" Roy turned to find Hughes, once again sitting on his couch.

"Not again, damn it!" Roy grumbled.

* * *

Deciding it would be best for Riza to have some time alone, Roy took a seat behind his desk and stared at the figure on the couch. 

"I do appreciate you waiting to show up until after Riza left. I would have had a hard time doing anything while you were in the room."

"Looks like you had trouble doing anything even when I _wasn't_ in theroom."

"What'd I say to upset her that much?"

"You're pushing too hard. I think you're going to need to go slower with her. Show her that you want more than a one night stand. That you want to be with only her. I think you need-" a brief knock interrupted Hughes opinion.

Before Roy could even give permission to enter, Havoc opened the door, walked thru and kicked it shut behind him.

"So what'd you do chief?" Havoc asked as he threw himself on the couch, still smoking his ever-present cigarette.

"Havoc?" Roy leaned back in his chair to stare at the man sitting on his couch where Hughes had been only moments before. He was relived Hughes had disappeared; there was no way he could deal with Hughes's smartass remarks while talking with Havoc, who seemed determined to poke into his personal life. "Have a seat, Havoc." His voice heavy with sarcasm. He pulled open a drawer, withdrew his gloves and tugged them on. "What brings you here?"

"The lieutenant. What did you say?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Riza just stalked through the office, grabbed her weapons and some more ammunition before leaving again for the firing range. She was in here talking with you just before that, so I'll ask you again, what'd you say to her, sir?" Havoc's tone may have been slightly joking, but Roy could hear the determination behind it.

Roy knew Havoc had a weak spot for Riza, well, Havoc had a weak spot for any pretty woman, but he was a little more protective of her. Not to the point she would notice, because if she did, he was just asking for more paperwork or a bullet-hole in a non-paperwork necessary part of the body. He and Riza had been friends for a long time, since the academy actually, and Riza had made it clear she only cared for him as a friend.

Roy said nothing but raised an eyebrow.

"Chief? I saw you and her this morning. You both got coffee from the coffee urn without saying a word and not even looking at each other."

"Just leave it Havoc." Roy's eyes unintentionally flicked to her hair clip he'd set on his desk. Havoc's eyes followed and widened slightly seeing Riza's hair clip.

"You were both here late last night, did something happen?"

"Havoc!" Roy's tone was warning.

"You've both been different since Brigadier General Hughes died."

Havoc lit a new cigarette with the end of his old one. He flicked the faintly glowing embers of the old one toward the trashcan. With a snap of his fingers Roy incinerated the butt, letting the ashes fall to the floor.

"He died because of me. I should have been paying more attention to what Fullmetal has been doing recently."

"If anyone is to blame, it's Fullmetal and even he couldn't have prevented Hughes's death. And you've changed the subject. It was a nice try, though." Havoc said with a smile.

The two men stared at each other. Neither willing to make a move or say a word.

Eventually Havoc spoke. "I've seen the way you look at her, Chief." The glare Roy sent Havoc could have easily served as an ignition source.

"And what way is that?" Roy asked, his voice filled with an unspoken warning.

"If you were looking at me that way I'd be afraid for my ass." Havoc took another draw from his cigarette.

Catching the innuendo, Roy struggled to keep the smirk from his face. "Don't worry, Lieutenant, your ass is safe."

"Frankly, I don't care what the two of you do as long as you don't hurt her. I know the other guys in the office won't say a word even under the threat of death." Havoc said as he stood and moved toward the door. "But if you hurt her, I'll need to kick your ass." He hesitated and picked up the hair clip from Roy's desk. "I'll just put this on her desk for you." Havoc said before closing the door behind him.

TBC

* * *

reviews would be appreciated! 


	5. Chapter 5

**Bang!!**

Damn him!

**Bang!!**

Damn him!

**Bang!!**

Damn him!

Why did he have to do this to her?

Each time she pulled the trigger, she silently swore at him, angry enough she could imagine each bullet hit him. She tried to concentrate on hating him, but her mind kept playing last night over and over in her head.

_His arms wrapped around her, again pulling her to him, enjoying the heat from her mouth. The way their bodies fit together, molding perfectly to fit with that of the other; it was as if their bodies were created solely for this, her soft curves pressed tightly to his well muscled form. Her lips parted slightly, just enough to suck on his lower lip. Opening further, she allowed her tongue to trace the seam of his mouth. He obligingly opened, his tongue slipping out to meet hers and coax her into his mouth, giving them their first taste of each other._

The shooting range attendant had been surprised to see her twice in one day, but this was the only thing she could think of to possibly calm down and distract her enough stop thinking of him. She always felt better after time spent at the shooting range.

It just didn't seem to be working this time.

But it wasn't really his fault. She was the one to blame for dragging him into her apartment and telling him not to stop with just kissing her. What was she thinking allowing this to happen!

When the light on the wall of the shooting range turned red she automatically lowered her weapon. She reloaded the magazine, set the safeties and placed it on the counter. Picking up her Browning, she checked the magazine and waited for the red light to turn off.

"Great shot, lieutenant. As usual." The attendant brought her the paper target with the bullet holes all within the small two inch center circle of the bull's eye. Returning to his small glass-protected area off to the side, he flipped the light to signal to shooters all was clear and sat down to wait.

Riza fired off the next half dozen shots without giving the target her complete attention. Roy's earlier actions still held her attention.

**Bang!**

She had told herself she would be happy if she could just be with him once. God, how could she be so wrong?! Even after sex, that strange hollow feeling remained. For such a short time she had been filled, finally whole and complete. But now she was empty again. Just looking at him reminded her of that pain and that emptiness.

**Bang!**

Yes she was pleased to know he could see her as a woman and not just another androgynous soldier. Pleased to know that not only could she arouse him, he wanted to have sex with her. The hard part was accepting she wanted more; more than just a one night stand. It hadn't even been a one night stand – it was a fuck in her hallway. A one night stand would have at least gotten to explore his body and watch his reactions more than just a quick glimpse of his naked mouth-watering body.

**Bang!**

The red light flipped on again and she automatically lowered her weapon. Without even looking at the gun in her hands, she reloaded it and set it on the table in front of her while the attendant once again retrieved her paper target.

"Looks like a couple of your shots were a bit off this time, lieutenant." The attendant called from the target. "You may want to have someone look at the sight on that one." She was somewhat surprised the attendant automatically assumed there was an error with her weapon rather than an error on her part.

"No, Sergeant, it was me. I'm a little distracted this afternoon."

"Anything I can do to help?" He asked setting the target on top of the other one on the counter. He hesitated and looked at her longingly. Perhaps he could even assist in some way to get the blonde lieutenant to notice him.

She didn't even glance at the man, speaking without taking her eyes off her weapons on the counter. "It's nothing. Thank you Sergeant." It was as if when the red light turned off, her brain was finally able to function. When it was on, her body was set on auto-pilot.

Raising her weapon and squeezing off a shot, she allowed herself to admit to her fear: she wanted more than sex from him, she wanted his heart as well. If he were to find that out, he would want nothing to do with her. If she thought needing his acknowledgement of her as a female and never getting it was bad, the thought of never being close to his heart would be the death of her. And his every touch was just another twist of the knife.

**Bang!**

It had felt so good and she couldn't forget the joy she'd felt in his arms. His hot kisses over her bare flesh, careful fingers touching every inch of her, his body pressing tightly against her, pressing her to the wall so she wouldn't lose her balance. The overwhelming scent of him, The taste of his mouth and his sweat. Thrusting into her with such force, she swore she could feel him forcing himself into her cervix. And the way he'd held her in his arms after, breathing her scent, his hot breath tickling the hairs on her neck as he whispered in her ear. She'd never felt happier than at that moment. And she knew she never would again.

**Bang!**

His actions this afternoon had only reinforced that he would never see her as a woman he could love. He only saw her as a convenient fuck; his very own in-office whore. A woman willing to do anything for him, something she had already proven to him last night. And when the realization came to her that afternoon in his office, she had never felt more ashamed in her life. She was no better than any soldier who had sex with a superior officer for a promotion. While she may not get a promotion for it, she would definitely receive a favored status. A status she didn't want. She only wanted him.

Her hands were shaking and even before the light turned on; she lowered her weapon and looked at the target. Even from where she was standing, she could see the shots had been wild, some not even hitting the target. Lowering her gaze she stared at the counter and was surprised when a single tear fell on her hand.

She had brought this upon herself. This was the very reason she had controlled herself for so long. Well, that and because of the regulations against it. That one moment of weakness that had given her such joy earlier in the day had plunged her into the depths of her own living hell. The ache in her chest had become ceaseless. One unthinking moment ruined the way they worked together. And she'd lost any respect she may have earned from him. Making her nothing but a whore.

It had been just one little slip and now she'd never felt more alone in her life than at this moment. And it was all her fault for being weak.

* * *

Roy sat in his office, finally alone. He stared at the report he was trying to read but his mind was unable to concentrate on much of anything at this time. 

Anything other than Riza.

What in god's name had he done for her to leave like that? Sure, she'd told him to stop, but if she really wanted that, why had she turned to kiss him? She could have just pushed him away when he first touched her. Was she that distraught with what they had done?

The intense and eager sounds she made yesterday still filled his head. That soft moan when they kissed, the gentle gasps as he caressed her body, the whimper she made when he touched her most sensitive spots. And the cry she made when she came, only audible for seconds before roughly cut off by his lips pressed against hers. But it was the whimper that haunted him. That unbelievably arousing sound coming from her had him hard just thinking about it. She had given him complete control expressed by that breathtaking noise.

And the way she responded to his touch. The way she rubbed her body against his, the arch of her back pushing her bared breasts toward him, her tongue gently twisting with his. He loved how very slick she was when he reached into her panties, the delicious shudder that ran thru her body when he stroked the sensitive area between her legs and how her body clenched around the fingers that were pushed deep inside her when he teased her nipple.

And holding her tightly in his arms afterward. His body still buried in hers and her arms wrapped securely around his back, holding him so closely he could feel every shaky breath she took. And the kisses she left on his bare shoulder still tingled just remembering them. It was in that one moment when he was holding her in his arms that he allowed himself to imagine his dreams were true. That she wanted to be with him, and only him for the rest of her life. To be someone to come home to or to come home to him. Better yet, they could come home together and have hot passionate sex all night or just lay comfortably naked in each other's arms. Imagining she would love and need him forever. He wasn't sure when this dream had come to him but it didn't really matter; it was only a dream, wishful thinking, a fantasy he knew would never come true.

God damn it, he did love her, he thought as his hand hit his desk. And he never wanted to be without her. He sighed, closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. He could finally admit it, he loved her but she didn't love him. How could anyone who knew what he'd really done in Ishbal even stand to be around him? He'd murdered hundreds if not thousands of people with his own hands. Using her father's secret that she'd entrusted him with. He'd killed innocent people with those secrets. Men. Women. Children. Whole families. He had no right to happiness. He was still alive to make a change, not live happily ever after.

She would find someone else. It would rip his heart to pieces to see her with another man, to see her give someone else that radiant smile she flashed at him last night. That real smile that shone in her eyes when she closed the door behind him. She was happy then so the regret must have come later. It would hurt more than words could express to see her with another man, but if she was happy… He now knew what was meant when he heard that loving someone was being able to let them go. He had to think of what was best for her, not of his own selfish and impossible fantasies of being with her.

She could find a man who could take care of her like she deserved, one who could be with her without having to break rules and wouldn't put her life in danger. There would be a big wedding for everyone she knew and she and her new husband would buy a house with a big backyard for Black Hayate. And there'd be children. Well behaved children of course – Riza wouldn't allow anything less. He smiled softly. And yet, in his mind, they all had his black hair.

Fuck. He grumbled and banged his head on his desk. In a matter of minutes his whole point of view had changed. These thoughts were going to kill him; he had to stop thinking about her like that! Like she could ever be his.

"Did that help any?" Hughes voice came from behind him.

"Not really. Go away." Mustang sat up and leaned back in his chair.

"Figure out what you're going to do yet?"

"Not exactly." Realizing Hughes wasn't going anywhere, Mustang swung his chair around to see the figure standing in the window. "For god's sake, could you at least look a bit more solid? Talking to a transparent figure is too disconcerting." He grumbled.

"Very well, I'll just sit on the couch again." Hughes said as he returned to the couch. He jumped on it, lying down and propping his feet up on the arm. Roy caught himself before telling his deceased friend to keep his shoes off the furniture. "You need to apologize to her."

"For what?"

"It doesn't matter. Apologies work well. Work even better with flowers."

"I don't think that's the route I want to take."

"So which one are you planning on taking?"

"The one with a happy ending for her."

"Without an apology, I don't know if you can get back with her."

"I said a happy ending for her, not me."

"How's that?"

A soft knock at the door interrupted them.

"Come." He barked out, glad for the interruption. A quick glance at the couch ensured his friend had disappeared.

"Sir, if I may have a word with you." Riza's voice was soft as she slowly opened the door.

"Of course." It was time for their conversation. _The_ conversation.

* * *

This time he made no move toward her, he just watched her from behind his desk. Her hair was still down, brushing against her shoulders. The sun had disappeared from his windows, leaving only the glow of the overhead lighting to shine on her hair. Even in the artificial light she was still ravishing and his hands itched to reach out and run his fingers through the blond strands. Her face was somewhat pale and drawn, her eyes slightly puffy, yet anger flashed in her eyes, adding a flush to her too pale complexion. Just seeing her made him intensely aware of how tight his pants and boxers had become. Sex on his desk was sounding better and better. 

"What happened Riza? What did I do to make you run away?"

"It was an inappropriate action for the office, sir." Her tone was sharp. Her anger was close to boiling over and even after time spent at the firing range, she was still furious. Furious at him for making her love him and using her to only fulfill his own sexual desire.

"I apologize for that."

"I'm your aide, not the office whore here for your enjoyment!" She said with venom in her voice and eyes ablaze with anger.

He gasped aloud, her shocking words stunning him. The conviction in her voice told him she actually thought he only wanted her for his amusement, as some sort of sex toy. He was about to yell at her for thinking such a stupid thing when he looked back into her eyes. The fire had left, leaving her burgundy eyes to filling with tears. One drop even started to roll down a cheek. The pain ripped right through his body, shattering his heart into tiny fragments. He longed to pull her into his arms, brush the tear from her face and tell her he never, ever meant for her to feel like that.

But he stopped.

"I never meant for this to happen when I pulled you into my apartment." The anger gone, she was rambling as more tears slid down her face. "I just needed one night from you, but that was all it was to be, one night. I told you that when we started. I shouldn't have done it but… it was a one time thing. Please don't make my mistake last night cost me our friendship."

Mistake.

She called last night a mistake. His stomach turned and he swallowed hard as the word echoed through his head. He had thought it was impossible for him to hurt more until he heard those words. Without even meaning to, he had caused her more pain than he'd thought possible. And now she considered being with him a mistake. It was like an icy coldness consumed his body and a cold strength surged through him allowing him to finally speak. He didn't want to hurt her, but in the end, it would be to her advantage if he allowed her to think that way.

He took a deep breath and chose his words carefully. "I'm sorry I gave you that impression, lieutenant. Why don't you take the rest of the day off – I promise to finish my paperwork by the morning. We'll… we'll never speak of this again."

"Yes, sir." Not looking back at him, she quickly left the room, shutting the door softly behind her, embarrassed by the tears she'd shed in his presence. Quickly gathering her things, she left the office before any of the others could question her behavior.

Roy sat at his desk, his mind reeling from what she had said. Had he really treated her like she was nothing but a whore? Like she was nothing but a play toy to him?

She may have felt like it was a mistake, but that didn't change how he would remember last night. She had enjoyed it, he was sure she had. The way she clung to him, squeezing him so tight it was hard to draw a breath, bare skin pressed to bare skin. It really would be the only time he would ever see her like that – and the last time he would hear her make those unbelievably arousing sounds. So that memory of last night would have to last him the rest of his life.

"You fucked up Roy-boy." Hughes voice came from over his shoulder.

"Thanks Hughes. Like I couldn't tell without your help."

"Why did you let her leave thinking you only saw her as your very own in-office good-time girl?"

"Because it's in her best interest. If I told her I love her, what would happen? If she found out, it would make our working relationship impossible and even if, by some impossible chance, she wanted to be with me, I would only put her more in danger. Being with me would risk her career and her life; it would turn her into an even bigger target than she already is just by working for me. There is no happy ending for my life and she deserves someone who can give her what she deserves in life. Now, I think it's time for you to leave, Hughes."

"Fine. Just let me say sometimes you can be such a idiot."

"So noted." Roy said with a sigh as his friend disappeared. Slowly rising from his chair, he stepped over to look out the window. Even from a distance, he recognized her figure leaving the building.

He'd had her. He'd held her in his arms, kissed and loved her for all he was worth. It was only for a moment, but he had her. He loved her and now she was gone. Turning with a sigh he realized, love shouldn't hurt this much.

She couldn't seem to fall asleep that night. She tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position in her bed but nothing was working. She was unable to get that hurt look on his face out of her mind. It had only been there for a second, but she knew she hadn't imagined it. Was she wrong about everything? Could she have jumped to the wrong conclusion?

She sighed and tried to push that thought out of her mind.

When she came home early that afternoon, she had taken Black Hayate on a walk to the park where she watched him play with a stick. Sitting on the bench enjoying the antics of her puppy, she couldn't pull her eyes away from a little boy with black hair who ran to a dark haired man who scooped him up and tossed him up in the air, the little boy giggling the whole time.

There was one fantasy she kept hidden away. Sometimes it appeared as dreams that she'd wake up and remember, other times it would be a daydream she caught herself thinking about when she was bored or lonely.

It first started when they were children, before he left for the military. She dreamed they'd grown up, he was a well known freelance alchemist and she his wife, living in their own house in the small town by where her father lived. There was no military, no politics or plots to worry about. Just them, sharing a life together. Spending the rest of their lives together. 3 children and a dog had been slowly added to create the family she had once wanted. Although she seldom admitted it, she still wanted it. It was a little different each time, sometimes the children had just been born, and others she was holding her first grandchild. Once she'd seen them both, old and grey, still holding hands while at the dinner table with their family gathered around them.

She knew a long time ago it was never meant to be, but every now and then it would sneak up on her as she came across everyday things that would set her mind roaming to imagine the life they could have had together. If he had loved her. And that was yet another silly daydream that made her think of what might have been. A dream that he could love her and wanted to be with her. He probably never even considered getting married or having a family with anyone, much less her.

She might have seen pain on his face this afternoon, but after what she had said she knew there was no way he could ever love her.

* * *

reviews would be nice - let me know if you like the way this is going or if i'm just beating a dead horse on my angst attempt. 


	6. Chapter 6

I want to thank everyone who reviewed or added this to their favorites! All those emails really make me want to continue this story. I see probably 2 more chapters – maybe 3. And there will be another lemon.

And a big thanks to my beta Zanne Chaos!

Warning: time jump. This takes place after chapter 40 of the manga.

* * *

She stared at the papers spread across her desk. For the past hour Riza had stared at those papers, not reading a single word written on them. The jumble of thoughts in her head made it impossible to think of anything else. 

So much had happened in the past few days. Finding out Barry the chopper was still alive, well, still in existence with his consciousness stuck in a suit of armor, soon followed by the death of both his armor body and his separated physical body. The Elric boys and Winry had come back to Central and despite Mustang's lie, they had learned of Hughes's death. Maria Ross had been 'killed' and escaped. Their group had learned of the existence of homunculi and there'd been that disastrous battle with female homunculus in the basement of the warehouse. The battle that almost killed Roy and Havoc.

The colonel had yelled at her in the hospital. Yes she deserved it but the thought of him dying, killed by that woman, had chilled her to the bone. She had really thought he was dead and that she had failed at her longtime mission – protecting him. That she had let him come to harm because she wasn't good enough or fast enough. That he really was dead.

Things had been stiff between them the past few weeks. She'd told him she didn't want to lose his friendship, but in the end she felt she had. Their former comfort around each other was now replaced with tension. Keeping her distance hurt almost as much as denying her feelings. He had become rather formal and distant with her.

He shouldn't have been under that warehouse. He should have still been at the office while she and the others completed their mission. But then she would have been dead, killed by that big round un-killable homunculus. She was furious he'd come after them, but at the same time, she was pleased he still cared enough to risk exposing his involvement with their plan to come save her. Good intentions didn't change that it had still been a stupid thing to do.

When, in the basement of the warehouse, that homunculus told her he was dead, she could feel the life drain out of her. He was right, she shouldn't have given up based on the words of an aggressor, but the thought of losing him was too much. She had completely lost it. In all honesty, if he was gone, what was her purpose for living? He was everything, he was her reason for living. She loved him so much at times she knew she would die without him and she hated herself for that. She hated herself for being so weak, but she couldn't help it. Things had changed between them and not for the better. He was disappointed with her.

And he had yelled at her.

Looking down at the pile of papers, she again tried to focus on work. She now had his and her own paperwork to be done and she was getting nowhere with any of it.

But he was alive and that was what mattered.

* * *

"You can be a real bastard, you know." Havoc spoke without looking at the man in the next bed. Annoyed at being bedridden and stuck in a room with Mustang, he allowed his mind to wander and it always came back to those moments of his confrontation with Riza after the colonel awoke. After all, he had been in the room, not that anyone even standing in the hall could have missed all Mustang's yelling. 

"A bastard that saved your, life." Mustang spoke sitting up with a groan. His whole body hurt. It was his stomach that was injured so why was the rest of his body complaining?

"Yes, thank you for saving my now paralyzed ass. The rest of my life'll suck, but thanks for it anyway." The sarcasm practically dripped from his words. "But that wasn't what I was talking about. I was talking about Riza. Sometimes you really treat her like crap. I still don't know what she sees in you when all you do is yell at her or ignore her. What happened between you two down there?"

"She gave up hope, Havoc." Roy's voice was cold. "When that homunculus told her I was dead, she emptied her magazine into the creature even after she saw she couldn't kill it, regardless of what would happen to her and Al. It was a stupid and reckless thing for a soldier to do."

"It was an emotional thing for her to do."

"Riza never allows her emotions to get in the way of her job."

"Until now. Haven't you seen the way she looks at you?"

"Recently, she looks at me like I killed her cat."

"Riza doesn't even like cats and you know it. No, how about before you had sex?"

"I give up, I don't know." The pain medicine and general weariness had taken its toll on him. Havoc seemed to know enough about his and Riza's relationship that Roy gave up trying to deny any of it. The man had said he wouldn't report them and Roy knew him well enough to trust his word. Now that he'd counted every hole in all the acoustical ceiling tiles, Roy was getting rather bored stuck in bed all day and knew the subject would come up eventually.

His last few days had been spent thinking of Riza. She barely left the room the first few days he was here. That first day, she had been the strong, stable person to lean on during the time they learned of the severity of their wounds and that Havoc would most likely never walk again. Riza had been the one who had taken his gloves away after he threatened a very gruff nurse, leaving them where they currently still laid on the table in the corner. She'd been the one who calmly explained his and Havoc's injuries to those they trusted after coming up with a plausible cover story to tell the rest of the military personnel.

It wasn't until the doctor had ordered her banned from the property for seventy-two hours while she went home and slept, that she finally agreed to leave. But it had been more than five days since he'd seen her and he'd been in the hospital for almost ten days now. Everyone else had come to visit them, even Gracia and Elysia had stopped by to see how they were doing. All his other subordinates, Ed and Al, even Armstrong. But no Riza. Fuery told him she called every morning and evening to check on their progress, but hadn't wanted to speak with them personally.

He had been thinking of her right before Havoc even started talking to him; wondering what she was doing, where she was and why she hadn't come back. He could call her and ask, but he knew it was probably for the best if he didn't. Maybe he really had been too harsh with her. He could admit that to himself, but he wasn't ready to admit it to Havoc.

"Fuery, come in here a minute," Havoc called loudly. The door opened to admit the young man who had been guarding the door. "Smack the colonel on the head for me."

"What, sir?" Fuery asked thinking he must have misheard Havoc's words. Mustang's scowl could have rivaled one of Fullmetal's.

"You wouldn't dare…" Mustang growled, glaring at the blond man in the bed next to him.

"Fuery, his ignition gloves are on the other side of the room, so he can't hurt you. Consider it the request of a recently paralyzed man. Besides, you remember how he yelled at Hawkeye."

This time Fuery didn't even hesitate when he crossed the room and smacked the colonel soundly on the back of the head.

"Thank you Fuery. Got quite an echo going there, Chief."

Roy once again, sent Havoc a dirty look. "You are extremely lucky I'm not supposed to get out of this bed. And that I can't reach my gloves."

"You're so doped up you're lucky you can tell me from Fuery." Havoc scoffed.

"You're the one being an asshole and he's the one hitting me."

Havoc smirked as Fuery slipped out of the room.

"She refused to leave until the doctor ordered her to go home and get some rest."

"She's a loyal soldier." Roy said.

"But she hasn't been back since then. Obviously she has been upset. Probably by something _someone_ said."

Mustang was silent.

"If she ever looked at me the way she used to look at you, I'd be the happiest man alive."

"Then why does she seem to think I would only use her for sex?"

"Maybe because that is something you would do!"

"No, not to her." Mustang said indignantly. "I would _never_ treat her like that. She should know that."

"Roy, you've dated half the girls at Eastern HQ and you've stolen every girl I ever dated. You've had more girlfriends than I've had cigarettes."

"I didn't steal the last one." He said sharply

"Of course not, the only one you don't steal is the one that tries to kill me. And you. And Riza."

"Things have been different these past few weeks."

"Since Hughes died. I know that, but does she? Old habits die hard. How was she to know you want more than just her body when all you do is come on to her physically?"

Roy looked sharply at Havoc. "How do you know that?"

"My desk is the closest one to your door and I'm not an idiot. That door isn't exactly soundproof and it doesn't take a genius to know what goes on between you two."

Roy just sighed, slumping back against the pillows. Great, even Havoc knew how pathetic he was.

"If you want the girl, you have to show her you want more than just her body," Havoc said.

"I may want the girl, but I can't have her. Besides, that's not how it's supposed to be."

"Supposed to be?"

"She's supposed to find someone else, fall in love, get married and have kids. She doesn't want to be with me. She shouldn't be with me. I'm no good for her."

"So you have her whole life planned out for her?"

"Isn't it what all women want; marriage, house, kids? Maybe if she had those things it would make her happy." he mumbled. "And I can't give her any of that."

"And what does _she_ want?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did she tell you that's what she wants her life to be like or did you decide this on your own? We both know Riza is not your average woman."

"No, she's not." Roy replied with a soft smile. "But it's what she deserves."

"Maybe it is, but what does she _want_?"

"I don't know."

"You need to ask her, Chief. Only she will know what will make her happy. And respect her decision."

The nurse entering the room with their afternoon medication, effectively halting their conversation.

* * *

When Roy awoke, Havoc had been taken for more tests leaving him alone in their shared room. Now that some of Havoc's injuries were on their way toward being healed and the swelling had gone down, the doctors were running another series of tests to check his mobility. 

Making this the perfect time for a visit from Hughes.

"Hmmm… just when I thought you couldn't mess things up more than you had, you go yell at her for caring." Hughes paced at the end of Roy's bed.

"She said it was a mistake, Hughes. Being with me was a mistake." Hurt stained his voice. Since their talk in the office, Roy was unable to forget that moment she said that one word that now haunted him. In an effort to placate himself, he admitted she hadn't said it was terrible or the worst sex she'd ever had, she just said it was a mistake. But it still hurt. It showed she regretted ever letting him get so close.

"What did you expect her to say? She thought you were just using her and you did nothing to correct her assumption. Of course she would call it a mistake if she thought what you did was only because you wanted her for sex!"

"Would you stop pacing, you're making me nervous." Roy grumbled. The figure of Hughes sat in the visitor's chair and waited for Roy to continue. "I can't tell her how much she means to me. At best, it could make things awkward; at worse, she leaves me."

"She's not going to leave you. She'll never leave you."

"Then why haven't I seen her since the doctor ordered her to leave?"

"Because seeing you hurts. First you don't deny the accusation you're just using her for sex, and then you yell at her because she cried when she thought you were dead. For god's sake, man, pull your head out of your ass and set things right! You've hurt her more than anyone else ever has. She cried, damn it! When was the last time you saw her cry for anything?" Hughes was getting agitated, his voice almost yelling. "The entire time we spent in Ishbal, I didn't see her cry once."

"She didn't even cry at her father's funeral but she cried for me. Do you really think she could care for me?"

"I can't figure out why, but yes I think she does, and I think it might be more than just caring whether you live or die. But you need to talk to her about that."

"But she's my subordinate. If we were to get caught everything we've worked for, all the things I've done to be seen as a candidate for Führer would be lost."

"What's more important?"

"Are you advocating potentially ruining all our plans so I can be with her?"

"What is more important to you? Her or the position of Führer?"

Roy hesitated. "I don't know. We've all worked so hard…"

"How have you been feeling this week?"

"I'm healing well. I should be able to go home in a few days."

"I'll rephrase it. What have you been thinking about most this week?"

"I've been thinking about what happened under the warehouse and what it means for us."

"And…?"

"And Riza." Roy sighed. "I've spent most of my time thinking about her, not the warehouse. I'm having trouble thinking of anything besides her. She hasn't come to see me or Havoc since the doctor ordered her to go home. I've been spending most of my time thinking about what went wrong and how I lost her. If there's any way we could go back to the way things used to be before we'd had sex."

"Could you handle going back to the way things were? No memories of how she looks out of her uniform, the softness of her skin, the sounds she made."

"No I want those memories, even if they hurt," he said sadly. "I just want her to be comfortable around me."

Hughes sighed, "You know, there is a difference between what you want and what you need. At first you may have just wanted her. But now, I think it's a matter of need. Without her around, you're easily distracted and only think about her. You can't function at peak performance if your mind is elsewhere. As a team, you both work extremely well, each filling in the areas the other lacks. And you know, if you are that worried about it, you don't need to have a physical relationship – you don't have to date or even show any signs of affection, but at least tell her you love her and stop hurting each other."

"I don't know if I can tell her I love her and live without the physical part."

"Fine, work that part out later. Just tell her so your brain can start functioning again. You're not helping anyone by being so… so stupid about this."

"I guess, for a dead guy, your advice isn't too bad. I'll find a way to tell her. Are you sure she won't shoot me?"

"No guarantees." Hughes smiled. "Other than shooting you, the worst that can happen is she tells you to go to hell."

"Maybe I complemented you too soon."

"Well, I suppose she could also stop helping you with all that paperwork you never seem to get done. Or she could complain to her grandfather about you. Or she could sic her mean and vicious puppy on you. Or she could…"

"Good bye, Hughes." Roy watched the figure of his friend fade away.

* * *

He lay awake in bed that night, unable to sleep. Havoc snored lightly in the bed next to him, but Roy didn't notice it. There was only one thing on his mind. 

Riza.

He had hurt her. The one thing he never, ever wanted to do was hurt her. He hurt her and then he yelled at her for crying when she thought he was dead.

Even more reasons he didn't deserve her. Not even as a friend.

He wanted her. He needed her. She meant more to him than anything else, including becoming Führer. Could she actually ever love him? After all he done? Allowing her to believe he saw her as nothing but an office sex toy. What had he been thinking? His actions hadn't protected her, pushing her away from him had broken her. He'd broken the only woman he loved.

He was such an idiot.

She wouldn't even look at him when she last came to visit, and she'd only stayed long enough to inquire as to his and Havoc's general health and the care they were receiving.

This needed to be set right. She may hate him afterwards, but she needed to know the truth. She deserved to know the truth. And this would call for a plan.

But first he needed sleep. Closing his eyes, he allowed his mind to wander, and it instantly found his memories of her. The way she'd touched him, the way her body felt, so soft and yielding against his, how she pulled him into her apartment and kissed the hell out of him. The way she willingly drew him into her body, surrounding him with her hot moist flesh, muscles clenched tightly around him until he was ready to scream. And the rather empty feeling in his chest as he pulled away from her.

He drifted off to sleep lost in the memory of her arms.

TBC

* * *

Well, as near as i can figure, i posted my first fanfic 7-8-06 and, as i doubt i'll have an update for this fic before July 8th, this chapter concludes my first year of posting my writing and frankly, i think i've done fairly well. (pardon my pat on my back) 

please review and let me know how _you_ think i'm doing.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: i want to thank everyone who reviewed, it really helped spur me on to continue writing. __on another note, up 'til now most of my stuff has been fairly tame – relatively tame, at least compared to this chapter. i am, once again, worried about my viewpoint of posting lemons on FF-dot-net as stated in my profile. _

_the problem is i've written a 10+ pg sex scene that is a combination of explicit sex, angsty emotions and fluff. i'm afraid this is where the plot/smut bunny led and, in all honesty, i spent quite a bit of time writing this and i really don't want to edit it just so it would fit my personal policy. its also been intertwined enough to make it difficult to separate. i've decided to leave it up to you; here are the first 10 pgs or so. please read it and let me know if you like it or not. if you really do think it's too explicit, drop me an email and i'll go to the effort of editing it. i will have the full version posted in my LJ acct no matter what is decided for this posting on FF-dot-net._

_a big thanks to my beta Zanne Chaos - i greatly appreciate the grammar check and her suggestions._

WARNING: CITRUS AHEAD.

* * *

"Lieutenant?" His familiar voice was slightly muffled through the telephone. With her usual efficiency, she had picked up the phone before it had even completed the first ring. 

"Yes, sir. Is everything all right?" Ominous thoughts ran through her head. Had other homunculi come to attack the Colonel and Havoc in their hospital room? Fuery was still standing guard outside their door. Had there been a medical emergency? Were they both okay?

"Everything is fine," he reassured her. She gave a silent sigh of relief as he continued. "I have convinced the hospital staff it would be safer for them and the rest of the patients to have me released immediately and I am in need someone to escort me home. Would you sign out a vehicle from the motor pool and assist me to my apartment?"

"Yes, of course, sir. I'll be there shortly." Riza hung up the phone and sat staring at it. She'd only been back to see him once after he'd yelled at her. When first admitted to the hospital, she felt so guilty she hadn't left for those first two days. Fuery had brought Black Hayate from the stake out and the puppy was able to comfort her during the wait for surgery results. It wasn't until the doctor ordered her home and told her she would be banned from the hospital if he saw her in the next seventy-two hours that she actually left. She'd gratefully dragged herself home and slept for close to an entire day.

Once the designated time period had passed, she found it very hard to force herself back to the hospital. Seeing him lying in bed, pale and in pain made her feel helpless, like she should have done something differently to prevent this. She just wanted to hold him to her chest and stroke his hair – more to ease her own pain than his. Pain caused by the fear of losing him. It was best to forget about such things, she reminded herself. That door was already closed.

* * *

Riza carried his bag up the flight of stairs to his apartment, knowing better than to offer him her arm for assistance. He actually didn't seem to have a problem going up those stairs but she had overruled him when he wanted to carry his own bag. Fuery had been sent over to retrieve necessary items immediately after Mustang had been admitted to the hospital and as she was carrying the bag, Riza wondered what in hell the boy packed to make the thing so damn heavy. 

The car ride had been uneventful and silent. She had been required to sign for him like a package; the doctor was completely against letting him leave and only after thinly veiled threats by Mustang had he conceded to release him into Riza's care.

Dropping the bag just inside the living room with a loud thunk, she turned and closed the door after Black Hayate. "You should sit down, sir. The doctor didn't want you to even be walking around very much."

"The doctor is fussy grandmother. He just didn't want the death of a state alchemist on his hands. I feel perfectly fine."

He was standing right behind her; she'd heard him come up close and lean against the wall, close but not quite to the point of touching her.

"You know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like I did," he apologized.

"You were right though. I shouldn't have broken down, sir. It was unprofessional of me." She turned to find herself face to face with him. Why did he insist on standing so close to her!? Being that close to him only made her hurt more and she'd become so very tired of the pain.

Quickly sidestepping him, she found the kitchen and started rummaging through the boxes stacked on the floor. His apartment, like hers, was all still in boxes. It had been weeks since they'd transferred from Eastern HQ, but there had been other things more urgent than setting up house.

Mustang followed her and leaned against the wall, watching her sorting through boxes. Finally finding an old, battered bowl, she filled it with water and set it on the floor for black Hayate. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink, sir?"

"I doubt there is anything edible around here. Besides, that's not what I want." His words sent a shiver down her spine. _Please don't let it be what she thought he was wanting. _

Ignoring his comment, she again slipped past him only to find her puppy curled up on his couch. Stopping just inside the living room with her hands on her hips, she spoke sharply, "Off the couch, Hayate. Dogs don't belong on the furniture."

Roy couldn't help but smile at the pitifully reluctant look the puppy gave her. "Leave him be. Anything he does to that couch would only improve it; nothing could do could make it look any worse."

"Very well." She said staring at the couch, obviously displeased. She had to admit, she had never seen a worse looking couch that wasn't on a trash pile. "You could use new furniture, sir."

She walked past the puppy on the couch, picked up Roy's bag and carried it into his bedroom. Dropping the bag onto a chair that she could have sworn bent under the weight, she sighed.

"Come lay down, sir. You don't want to open your wounds again." In the warehouse, he may have cauterized his wounds to stop the bleeding, but he had needed surgery to repair the damage to his internal organs. The charred skin would leave a scar but it had saved his life.

"Riza," she tensed at his voice; he had come up behind her again, the sneaky bastard. And he'd called her by her first name. His voice was unexpectedly soft and smooth, sending a shiver down her spine and awaking feelings she desperately wanted to suppress.

"Sir… please don't. You should be in bed resting." Once again, his lips were on her neck and his hands held her around her waist, pulling her back to lean against his chest. She could feel the strong beats of his heart against her back and his hot breath soft on her neck. "Please don't do this…" she begged, her voice slightly unsteady.

"I'm fine, Riza. I feel better now than before I was injured and… I need to show you how much you mean to me. Please, let me do this for you." His voice was soft in her ear. Unclasping the clip holding her hair, he dropped it to the floor, allowing her blonde hair to fall down onto her shoulders. Pressing his face into the silky strands, he inhaled the heavenly scent of her hair.

_Please god, let me be doing this right. Don't let me screw it up. _

"You smell so good," he whispered. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" His tongue traced the outer shell of her ear, trailing down to tug gently on her earlobe with his teeth.

_She had to stop this! Stop him! _Her mind cried out. But she wanted him so much. In the hospital, she had been unable to get close to him, to touch him, feel him, to reassure herself he was really still alive. She had been so scared of losing him and being left alone and now he was right there with his arms wrapped around her. An all-consuming need to hold him, kiss him, feel him in her body overtook her. Everything she shouldn't be doing. She stifled a groan as he rubbed his erection against her ass. To feel him again, to enjoy the feeling of his bare skin pressed against hers, of him forcing himself into her body and to feel him come into her, his body racking with shudders; her own need for him overriding her rational mind.

With a shaky sigh and a deep feeling of hatred for being so weak, she gave in to the seductive feelings, tipping her head to the side to expose more of her neck as he kissed down along her jaw. He was holding her just like he had that afternoon in his office, but this time she didn't have the strength to push him away. She didn't want to. Even knowing he didn't love her, she still found she enjoyed his caresses and his gentle kisses along her jaw. After all, she could always pretend he did. His touch made her feel alive, her blood coursing through her veins and pounding in her ears. Sliding his hands slowly up her sides from the waist, he gently brushed along the sides of her breasts, over her arms and up to her neck, pushing her head back to expose her throat. He nuzzled the long expanse of pale skin, gently licking a path as he turned her body to face him.

"I need you, Riza." His voice stronger as he backed her toward the bed. With a sigh, she allowed him to sit her on the edge of the bed. "I need you more than I ever thought possible. Stay with me. I'm sorry I said those things; I never meant to hurt you. I…" he found himself tongue-tied, unable to say those very important words. Those important words he had told himself he needed to say to her; those words expressing his love. And now he couldn't say them.

The feelings he was able to raise in her were so strong, emotions she had been so sure she would never dare allow herself to feel again. Why was she letting him do this when she knew it would only hurt more when he left her for the next woman? Perhaps she should just give in and be that office call-girl she had so hated the thought of becoming. At least they could spend time together, just the two of them. Besides, how could she deny all these feelings no other man had ever stirred in her? Every touch felt so good, yet the ache from the hollow inside her chest sent another wave of despair through her body.

He lowered himself to his knees before her seated form, unfastening the top button of her uniform, his lips moving to the recently bared skin, kissing and sucking on the pale flesh. Nimble fingers popped the next button and he took a moment to look up at her face. Eyes mostly closed and bottom lip clenched between her teeth, he missed seeing the end of the struggle between her heart and mind. Her mind had definitely been the one who lost her internal battle.

His lips searched for hers, slowly working his way up from her neck as he popped the remaining buttons of her jacket. She tasted so good; he had missed that taste. After those few blissful moments in the hallway, he knew he would never forget it. It was her. Every time he saw her, he could only think of the sweetness of her mouth and lips and how he would never experience it again. Except now he was and it was sheer heaven. Even after a long day, she still tasted and smelled like she'd just gotten out of the shower and he couldn't get enough of her. He would never be able to get enough of her.

He had taken control of her mouth, and she willingly let him. He was the one to push between her lips and teeth, the one who teased her tongue with his and drew her into his mouth. And while at first, she had tried to stop herself, she reacted to his kiss, moaning softly, unable to suppress the pleasure of feeling and tasting him again. One of her hands caressed his cheek, touching the familiar facial features she loved so much, the other hand grasping the short hair at the back of his neck. She barely noticed as he gently removed her jacket, tossing it toward his bag sitting on the chair. Her shoulder holster quickly followed.

He untucked her t-shirt from her pants, allowing his hands to glide over the soft skin of her stomach, tracing random patterns across the smooth flesh, working his way toward the small of her back. Capturing her lower lip between his teeth, he pulled back, letting her lip slip away after a small tug. She opened her eyes to see him watching her, his black eyes filled with such desire and desperation her heart flipped in her chest. The undisguised longing in his intense gaze merely fueled that tiny, painful flame of hope she couldn't seem to stamp out. Her mind tried its best to smother it with rational and logical thoughts reminding her she meant little more to him than any of his other subordinates - although she hoped to god he wasn't having sex with any of them - and he'd pretty much admitted how he'd seen their last sexual encounter.

Taking his time, he gently raised her shirt slightly, his hands skimming over her pale skin as he slowly exposed her body to his hungry gaze. As he raised the shirt higher, her hands reflexively reached to cover the sheer lace bra she wore.

"No, no, no…" he whispered, the warning tone of his command halting her hands. "Don't hide from me, Riza."

Head bowed slightly at his rebuke, she reluctantly raised her arms for him to pull her shirt over her head, but he wasn't quite ready for that. "No, just hold your shirt here." He held the shirt up enough to expose just the bottom band of lace on her bra. She gripped the hem of her shirt and held it where he'd left it.

"You've got a breathtaking body, Riza. I didn't get a chance to take such a good look at you last time, but this time I want to see and touch every single inch of you. I want to please you." His words sent a chill down her spine. She had never had anyone say such a thing; it was almost as if he was talking about more than just her physical body.

Still resting on his knees on the floor in front of, he spread her legs slightly and moved to kneel between them. He lowered his head to place a soft, moist kiss on her belly button. His tongue flicked out to dip into the small indent of flesh and she jumped, letting out a startled whimper. Looking down at the man now kissing her stomach, she was surprised at his responding groan.

"You make the most incredible sounds when I touch you." He gradually started to work his way up, kissing her stomach until he was just below her breasts. "Some nights, those sounds are all I can think about."

With a smirk he now reached to pull her shirt off, but the stretch tightened the skin around his wound and he winced, the smirk turning into a pained expression. She reacted immediately, pulling at his shirt to check the bandage and ensure it wasn't bleeding again. "Are you okay, sir?"

"Yeah, just stretched too far. How about you take your shirt off for me?"

"Yes, sir." He couldn't pull his eyes away as she drew the shirt over her head, her back arching and stomach muscles contracting appealingly. The shear black lace bra, while covering her breasts, left nothing to the imagination, her clearly visible nipples teasing and enticing him. God, she looked unbelievably good! When she looked back down at him hesitantly, she noticed his smirk was back and his black eyes gleamed mischievously. Before she could stop him he had his hot, moist mouth closed over a lace covered nipple and was sucking hard on through the thin fabric. His tongue teased the delicate skin, soothing it with strong sure laps then rolling the tip carefully between his teeth and tugging lightly. Her eyes closed and she moaned softly, her body relaxing and enjoying the gentle teasing with his hand on the other breast.

Reaching around her back, he undid the eyehooks on her bra, slowly drawing the lace down her arms, revealing the pale peach skin below. Licking the bare flesh, he again used his tongue to play with her delicate skin.

Eyes open, she looked down at the head covered with black hair kissing his way down the valley between her breasts. Unable to help herself, her hands reached up to run her fingers through his hair. Bending her neck, she was able to place a single slow kiss on the top of his head.

She loved him. There was no point in denying it. At times, she loved him so much it hurt. He was her weak spot and she knew it. She allowed him to get away with so much more than even her spoiled little puppy did and, at that moment, she was willing to forgive him for anything. The care and thoroughness he was showing her almost brought tears to her eyes. While she would never hold his heart, she would try to enjoy his bed to his satisfaction. Even if he thought of other women while they made love, she wanted to do this for him. She sighed in defeat realizing there was nothing she wouldn't do for him.

Kissing the top of his head again, she marveled at how soft his unruly hair really was. Indulging herself, she continued to run her fingers through his hair, holding his head to her chest. Managing to tip his head back, he looked up at her and smiled.

She was exquisite. Porcelain skin, flushed cheeks, rose-colored lips and those expressive burgundy eyes. She was looking down at him so tenderly; her hand cupping his jaw, rubbing his cheek with her palm. For a second he thought he saw sadness shining in her eyes, but he closed his eyes to turn into her hand, placing a kiss on her upturned palm. Unseen by him, a sad smile crossed her face.

It had been so hard to stop himself from touching her these past weeks. He knew she was hurting, angry at him for the way he had acted, and he really couldn't blame her for thinking the way she did. It would have been so easy to call her into his office, pull her to into his arms and beg her forgiveness. Tell her she had made the wrong assumption and he wanted her for more than just sex. Tell her all the reasons he needed her in his life. Why he needed her in his bed, how much he wanted her to be the last thing he saw at night and the first thing he saw in the morning. But then he'd see her uniform and remember all the reasons he could never do it and how she deserved someone better. Someone without blood on his hands.

But when he had held her here in his bedroom and the right moment came to tell her he loved her, he couldn't do it. He knew what he wanted to say, he just couldn't speak the words. He had never told a woman he loved her, at least not since his mother died. What would he do if she said she hated him for what he'd said earlier, for what he'd done? What if she couldn't stand to be around him anymore?

Right now he couldn't stop himself. She was all he could think of while he was stuck in that hospital bed. He'd almost lost her. That homunculus was merely teasing her before it killed her. If they were to both die tomorrow, he needed one last night with her. Havoc, later reinforced by Hughes, had emphasized how he needed to ask her what she wanted. While he acknowledged it was the right thing to do, he was still a little afraid to ask her. If she were to say she wanted nothing more to do with him, if she were to tell him to go to hell, he would accept that. It would be the hardest thing in the world, but he would do it if that was what she said. But tonight he had a chance to show her how much she meant to him. This was for her pleasure, not his. Reaching up, he placed a hand at the base of her neck and pulled her down for another kiss.

"So beautiful," he whispered into her mouth. Giving small brief kisses, he teased her, pulling first her top lip into his mouth, only to release it to suck on her bottom lip. Eventually, their tongues met, slowly stroking that of the other's.

The hand at the back of her neck, slid down over the sides of her body reveling in her lush curves usually hidden by her uniform, sliding down over the swell of her breasts, over her still clothed hips and legs, finally stopping to untie her boots. Tossing the heavy items toward the chair, he next reached for the waist of her pants. Without prompting, she rose slightly, pushing the fabric of her pants and panties down over her hips, letting them fall to the floor. Kicking them under the bed, she tried to hide them; she didn't want him to see how wet her panties were. She had been practically dripping since she acknowledged her defeat. A slight blush appeared on her cheeks, she had never had someone stare at her so intensely while undressing.

"Relax, I'm not going to do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable in any way." His voice soothed her. "If I do anything you don't like, just tell me and I'll stop." His hands made soothing strokes on her stomach and hips, gently kissing the taut muscles until she slowly relaxed. Working his way lower, he brushed his lips against the soft skin where her torso turned to hips. Still kneeling between her legs, he turned slightly and took one of her feet in his hands and rubbed it, gently working the muscles of the toes and instep until he got a moan out of her.

"Feel good?" He asked, taking her moan as an affirmative reply. Placing a kiss on her instep, he worked his way up to rub and kiss her ankle, then her calf, her knee and up to her thigh. He stopped right before reaching the apex of her legs, filling her with disappointment. Turning to the other side, he picked up her other foot and started massaging that one.

Her anticipation had grown with his slowly moving hands and when he had reached the thigh of her first leg, she was ready for him, her body craving his touch between her legs. When he turned to her other foot, she almost cried out in frustration. She needed him now and if she didn't feel him inside her soon she really would scream.

This time, he allowed his hands to work higher, sliding his hands under her ass, stroking her soft skin slowly. Holding her by the hips, he pulled her to the edge of the bed, pushing her upper body back to fall on her elbows while he spread her legs further. Getting an inkling of what he was doing, she started to protest and tried to close her legs, but his strong hands wouldn't let her. In a flash, her hands were on his head, trying to push him away.

"Sir, please don't" she begged.

Ignoring her plea and capturing her hands in one of his, with his free hand, he lifted one of her legs to hook over his shoulder, spreading her even farther. Lowering his head, he placed a gentle kiss right above the patch of blonde curls.

"Sir…"

His fingers brushed through the curls, gently outlining the lips of her sex. Separating them with his free hand, he stroked the glistening skin with a single finger. The soft whimper of pleasure she made spurred him on. She was soaking, dripping wet for him and he smirked, confident that even if he never touched her like this again, she would never forget this feeling.

Why was he doing this to her? Knowing her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, she was very uncomfortable having him inspect her this closely, thoroughly exploring a rather private area. He'd said if she was uncomfortable he would stop, but when she begged him to, he refused.

She completely changed her mind with the next stroke of his finger and all thoughts of resistance evaporated.

He could see her getting wetter, her juices slowly dripping from her. With an indrawn breath, he realized he could smell her, a pleasingly sweet musky scent. It was her scent. Releasing her now unresisting hands, he shifted slightly to hold her open with one hand and touch her with the other. Fingers caressed her along her outer lips, purposefully avoiding the tiny bundle of nerves. He loved how her moan changed with his movements.

Her breathing became erratic, punctuated by helpless little sounds she made with every release of breath, rocking her hips, trying to force his fingers to touch her aching clit. Her hands now clenched the bedspread, her body arched, thrusting her breasts up toward the ceiling as he gently slid a finger into her. A strangled cry came from her throat, her head thrown back as she pressed against the bed. He smirked as he felt her body clench tightly around his finger while he worked it in and out, slowly turning it, curling and flexing it inside her.

She felt so good, her body so wet and willing for him, legs now stretching wider and wider for his hands. Her muscles gripped his finger tighter, sucking him in. He added another finger on his next thrust, separating the two inside her and earning another cry from her lips. His fingers were now stroking her from the inside, stretching and pulling, caressing and rubbing the oh-so-sensitive skin. As he would touch an extra sensitive spot, her body would tremble, her hips rocking back and forth, allowing him to reach previously untouched places.

He loved watching her grind against his hand like this. Her skin was covered with the light sheen of sweat, and her entire body was tense, stomach muscles contracting and hips still moving. His thumb reached up and ever so gently stroked her clit. She gave a whimpering cry and her body arched like a cat, pulling up off the bed while her muscles contracted around his finger. His body was more than ready for her and it took all his willpower to keep from withdrawing his fingers and replacing them with his fully erect cock. But this was for her pleasure first; he could wait. He _would_ wait.

God, he was good at this! How did he know the right places to touch to make her writhe on the bed like this? No longer embarrassed at being so naked and vulnerable in front of him, she was only thinking of the unbelievable feelings he was stirring. She wanted more, faster and harder. "Please…" she begged. "More…" Without even looking she knew he had his self-satisfied smirk on his face and this time she didn't care – he earned it. A third finger slid in to join the other two, deliciously stretching her. "Harder…" she moaned, her face reflecting her enjoyment.

She was close, he could feel it. Fingers still in place, he bent down and inhaled the wonderful scent of her aroused body. A second later his lips closed around her clit and he sucked hard, pulling the swollen flesh into his mouth. Her scream echoed in the room, her body bucking against the bed. Momentarily releasing her, his tongue slipped down to taste her slick, sweet juice before returning to tease her clit with his tongue. He sucked her back into his mouth, now playing with the tender skin between his teeth, placing soft little nips throughout the area.

She whimpered loudly as he continued to torment her, forcing his fingers in deeper and stretching them as he pulled back. She was so tight, still clenching around him, her muscles rippling faster as she got closer to orgasm.

The wave of sensations was overpowering, no longer in control her body, eyes squeezed shut and breathing labored, all she could feel was the pleasurable sensations he created in her body. Everything else disappeared, all thoughts stopped, she just waited for the next thing he would do to her, waiting for the next overwhelming wave of pleasure. She could feel it rising in her body, up through her stomach, through her chest, down into her arms and finally up to her head. Then she snapped. Out of control, her body shook, muscles spasming, quivering until she could take no more, falling limply back onto the bed, unmoving other than her deep breaths.

Taking one last lap at the juices pouring from her body, he stood and removed his clothes, tossing them toward the chair. There was no hesitation or shame to his actions and he only paused momentarily to check his bandages before he stretched himself on the bed next to her, lying on his side to watch her. He gently caressed her cheek, studying her.

If he thought her beautiful every day in her uniform, she now looked absolutely stunning, an image he would replay over and over again in his mind. Eyes closed, the flush from her cheeks slowly fading, her blonde hair slightly mussed and lips parted slightly. Her slowly calming breaths making her breasts rise and fall softly. Her eyes opened slightly to look at him, still unfocused and slightly glazed. His hand traced down along her jaw to where his thumb could trace her lower lip, neither saying a word.

For just a few minutes, while she recovered, he let himself enjoy her beauty, staring while he could, reveling in the thought he could do this to her, pleased that because of him, she looked so content. And for those minutes he imagined she would want to be with him forever. That they would never have to leave this room. That she was his.

It was a short-lived illusion, but he clung to it. There was a very good possibility she would hate him for this. He'd tried to tell her how important she was but when the time came to say something, he found himself tongue-tied, unable to say how he felt. So he kissed her and he touched her and maybe if he could show her how just how much she meant to him, she'd understand. Lord, how he hoped she would understand. She had the power to destroy him, betray him to the military, ruin everything he was and who he could be. She could also ruin him with just a single scornful look.

He wanted to taste every inch of her while he could. This was what he'd been waiting for, what he'd been dreaming of every moment he spent without her in the hospital; the chance to touch her and stroke her body, watching the tight muscles and supple skin move at his touch. Drawing from her the whimper he'd never stopped dreaming of. Did she have any idea how beautiful she was? He rarely taken the chance to say anything but from now on, he would find a way. Even if he wasn't able to say it directly, he would find a way.

Her eyes finally focused on him.

Shhh… rest a little, sweetheart. The endearment slipped by without notice from either.

"What about you?" her hand slipped down to hold his hot flesh in her hand and his rapid indrawn breath made her smile, pleased he reacted like that to her touch. Feeling him with her hand, she realized he was slightly larger than she had remembered from their furious grope in her hallway.

His eyes were such a deep black that she thought she would fall in. Often guarded, he allowed few people to see the real thoughts running through his mind. But now, the only thing she could see was the raw, animalistic desire burning in them, desire that stirred her heart. Desire that made her want to give him every part of her. Give him a reason to remember her when he moved to his next woman and give herself one more night to remember. Her eyes settled on his mouth. Oh god, the things he could do with that mouth and tongue; now it was her turn to show him what she could do with her's.

Her hand still played gently over his erection, stroking and squeezing and finally scraping his length with her short fingernails.

"Dear god, Riza, are you trying to kill me?" Releasing her grip, she reached over to pull his mouth to hers, her tongue moving erotically against his. He tasted of her; while strange, she liked it, the sweet taste of his mouth with just a trace of herself. He hadn't needed to touch her like that, pleasing her before allowing his own release. And he still hadn't come. But she would fix that; after all, it was only fair.

Stopping momentarily to stare at his body, she couldn't help but admire his nude form. She'd occasionally stopped to notice how good his ass looked when he was bent over and she knew he had a wiry strength hidden under his uniform. His pale skin reflected the amount of time he spent indoors, filling out paperwork or doing research on the philosopher's stone. He was more muscular than she thought he would be, although they could merely be standing out a bit more after the weight he'd lost in the hospital.

She pushed him from laying on his side onto his back, raising and supporting herself to lean over him with one arm, she ran the fingers of her other hand down his chest, quickly following them with her mouth, licking and biting in turn. Her tongue swirled around his small nipples and received a heart-felt groan from him. With a small nip, she continued on. Mindful of his bandages, she kissed the bare skin around them, careful not to put any pressure on his tender wounds, then following the fine line of hair leading her downwards.

Roy's hand reached to caress her cheek, pleased she was the one to initiate this action. Hesitating for a second, she enjoyed the smooth brush of his palm on her face. She turned into his hand and placed a single kiss on his palm, followed by a quick lick with her tongue. She just looked so pretty, her eyes were slightly sad, but she was still breathtaking, hair down on bare shoulders the ends brushing his skin with every kiss from her lips. Once he released her face, she finally moved herself down the bed far enough to rest between his legs, her hands sliding down his thighs.

Bending her head, yet keeping her eyes locked with his, her tongue slipped out to delicately lap at the small bead of precome collected at the tip, and he gave a loud gasp. His erection was rock hard and moved slightly with his every heaving breath. Feeling her tongue take an experimental lap at the small slit in the head sent a bolt of pleasure through his body and he struggled to resist the urge to thrust into her mouth. His taste was slightly salty and bitter, but not unpleasant. A small grin appeared on her lips before opening and taking him into her mouth, her tongue exploring the taste and feel of him. Breaking eye contact, she closed her eyes to concentrate on the task at hand.

Relaxing the muscles of her mouth and jaw, she sucked him deeper into her mouth, tongue wrapping tightly around him, massaging the little ridge around the head. His hands reached down to thread through her hair, stroking and tilting her head so she'd hit the right spots, her tongue gentle and forceful at the same time. Pulling her mouth back, she released him to place unhurried kisses along the side of his length, flicking her tongue out to take soothing licks at him. She loved the velvety texture of his rock hard cock against her lips, Every now and then she'd take a gentle nip with her teeth to hear him growl at her. She returned to lick the beads of precome seeping from the tip, sending her tongue swirling around him, teasing him once again by scraping him with her teeth.

Oh god, she _was_ trying to kill him. Or at least torture him slowly until he was ready to die. How the hell did she know just what to do? What felt good? What spots would drive him over the edge? He felt a small tingle of jealousy wondering on whom she had practiced to be so good at this.

Her hands joined in, one hand taking his balls into her hand and fondling them, stretching the tight, yet pliant skin, loving the hiss he made through gritted teeth while the other hand stroked the tip and her mouth kissed around the base. His soft exclamations revealed his sweet spots, information she stored away for possible use later. Doing so reminded her that no matter how much she liked doing this for him, enjoying each sound he made and even the slightly bitter taste of him, she was doing it for a man who could never return her love. Pushing aside such depressing thoughts, she continued, her lips returning to the tip and again sucking him into her mouth.

Tracing the thick vein on the underside back toward the base with her tongue, she soon felt the tip of his cock bump the back of her throat. Pulling back a little, she sucked him back in, rubbing the head of his cock against the back of her throat. He gave a low groan. Taking a deep breath and relaxing her throat, she took him deeper still, the muscles of her mouth and throat squeezing him, tightening and loosening in an unpredictable rhythm that was driving him crazy. The warm suction of her mouth nearly took him over the edge and he struggled to keep control, his hips automatically thrusting harder and harder between her waiting lips, his hands pressing her head farther into his lap.

Pulling back slightly and still teasing him with his tongue she started to hum, the vibrations from her throat and soft palate finally pushing him to orgasm, his body thrusting deeper into her mouth, his hot fluid emptying down her throat. Forcing her throat to relax, she greedily sucked and swallowed every drop he shot into her mouth, enjoying the harsh cry he uttered. His hands holding her head tried to force her further down on his pulsing cock, but she stood her ground, her head pressing back against his hands, keeping her mouth at the right distance to swallow without choking but far enough back so as to miss a good deal of the bitter taste of the hot thick fluid flowing down her throat.

As the spurts slowed down to nothing and his body stopped thrusting himself into her, she finally looked back up at him, lips still wrapped around his cock. His head was thrown back with a blissful look that pleased her immensely. Slowly and carefully, she licked him clean before pulling herself further up on the bed to lie next to him.

He looked so sweet lying there, eyes closed and hair mussed, completely relaxed, body moving only from his deep breaths. She loved seeing him like this. She quickly checked the bandage on his stomach, pleased to note there was no sign of the wound opening. Taking a blanket from the closet, she returned to the bed, covered them both and allowed herself to curl up against his side, his arm moving to wrap around her and the side of her face pressed into his chest. She kissed the skin of his chest softly, enjoying the slightly salty taste of his sweat on her lips. Laying like that, dozing slightly, they both relaxed, enjoying the feeling of bare skin pressed to bare skin.

TBC…

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_ok, so what did you think. Please review or if you think i should edit it just for FF-dot-net, drop me an email._


	8. Chapter 8

_Wow! Thank you all for the reviews; I've never had such a great response to my writing! As a reward, I'm posting this chapter early! (actually i had most of it ready when I posted the last chapter but I think it counts)_

_I've decided to leave the last chapter posted as it is and while I'm going to post this chapter as I wrote it, I'm going to try not to write and post such explicit stuff on ff(dot)net. Explicit stuff will be posted somewhere else but since I started writing this fic primarily on ff(dot)net, I'm going to complete it here and I'm going to do it however it comes to me. (explicit or not)_

_This chapter contains an actual lemon. yeah, I know, I don't think the last chapter was a 'real' lemon and if you want to quibble over what constitutes an actual lemon, talk to former-president Clinton – and please don't remind me that some of you are too young to really remember that. _

_a big thanks to my beta Zanne Chaos!!_

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Roy's hand moved to softly stroke the long blond hair that trailed down Riza's back. When his hand touched the pattern of the symbols burned into her skin, he stopped, his fingers tracing the around the large scar that marred her flesh. He knew she was awake, he'd felt the change in her breathing. 

"I never asked if it hurt you."

"It did at the time, but it doesn't anymore." When he didn't say anything, she spoke again. "You did exactly what I asked; you only burned enough to destroy my father's work with as little damage to the underlying tissue as possible."

"I had more than enough experience with burning human flesh by that time." he said morosely.

Turning to look at him, she drew herself up on her elbows, her bare breasts rubbing against his chest. "You did what you had to; now forget about the past for awhile." She lowered her head to tenderly kiss his lips. Reaching up, he threaded a hand through her hair, holding her close.

Pulling back slightly, she looked down at him. "How are the wounds? You really should be resting."

"I told you I'd been resting up. Riza, I…" he tried, but he just couldn't say the words.

"Shhh…" She placed a series of gentle kisses on his chest. "Why don't you get some sleep?"

"I also told you, I'm not tired," he said with a smirk. "And I'm not done with you yet, either. You're mine."

His words sent a shiver down her spine. There was something strangely appealing about belonging to him, yet something heartbreaking as well. She wasn't a piece of property or an inanimate object to be used just for his pleasure. She wouldn't mind so much if he cared for her. If he could ever love her, if he felt the way she did, if they could belong to each other, well… it was only a dream, wasn't it?

Wrapping an arm around her, he pulled her up so he could seal his hot mouth along her collar bone. He sucked hard, knowing he would leave marks, marks staking his claim. He had already screwed it up. He knew it, but she hadn't left him yet. He still had a chance as long as she was in his bed. If he could make her feel so good, make her feel such pleasure, make her feel his love for her, perhaps he could still get through to her in actions if not in words.

Her strong fingers ran through his hair, holding his head to her body. Sliding his mouth further up her neck, he nuzzled behind her ear, softly whispering his thoughts to her. He traced the outside shell of her ear as she whimpered again.

"Do you want me, Riza? Tell me you do. Tell me how I make you feel. Tell me what you want me to do to you, where you want to feel my mouth."

"Ohhh… You feel so good... Touch me, please… please just touch my breasts…" she begged with a soft moan, feeling his lips form his usual smirk against her skin. She gave in to the sensations he was once again stirring, her body now aching for his touch, trying to forget the emotional pain he also roused.

He happily did as she asked, shifting his attention lower. Rolling her onto her back, he admired the smooth curve of her body, the flawless, unmarred skin stretching endlessly before him. The swells of her breasts fascinated him. He had, of course, seen a woman's naked breasts before, but these were different. They were _hers._ One could only see the slightest hint of her figure when concealed by the military uniform, but this, right now… this was his. He never wanted another man to see her like this, so hot and flushed, her body spread out over rumpled sheets and under the weight of his own. She should be his and only his. Sealing his mouth over the peak of her breast, he teased her nipple with the rough taste buds of his tongue.

She inhaled sharply, her back arching toward him. "Roy…" she whispered softly, dragging her nails across his shoulders, scraping his skin. "Aaahh… that feels so good…" He smiled softly, pleased she used his first name. There was something about the way she said it that sent a rush right to his groin, feeling himself growing hard again just from the sound of her voice. Ever so lightly, his fingers traced random patterns over her other breast drawing yet another sigh of pleasure from her.

"Squeeze them. Tightly… pinch them…" she moaned. He complied, pleased with squeal she made. He bit down lightly on the nipple in his mouth and she couldn't help but cry out again. Releasing the tender skin, he soothed her with his hot tongue, delighted with the sweet taste of her. She was better than any of the fantasies he'd had when stuck in that hospital bed, or, come to think about it, better than those from before the hospital as well. The reality was ten times better. She was really here, making those sweet sounds. Those sounds he loved and prayed he would never forget.

"More… more please…"

"Whatever you want…" he whispered, his breath cool on her wet nipple. Switching breasts, he played with the other peak. He allowed his hand to stroke across the smooth skin of her stomach before sliding down further, slipping between her legs. She was wet again. It was such a lovely feeling, drawing his fingers through her silky folds, dipping a single finger into her.

"More… I need more than… just your fingers…" she sighed softly. With a soft wet pop, his mouth released her nipple.

"Whatever you want…" his voice was almost inaudible. Lifting his body over hers, he slowly rubbed his cock between her legs, teasing her, tempting her, brushing softly across her clit. She opened her eyes to look at him, giving him a look of adoration that made him smile. Was it possible? Could he have possibly have gotten through to her?

Without a word, she spread her legs, wrapping them loosely around his back so he could rest his body between them. A single hard stroke with his finger on her clit had her crying out, her back arching toward him, raising her breasts toward him invitingly. Unlike the first time, she was quite vocal with her pleasure; admittedly, it had been quick and they'd been in a somewhat public place where any sound they made could be heard by anyone in the hallway.

The wide head of his cock pressed against her opening, drawing that delicious whimper he loved so much. He lowered his head to kiss her lightly on her lips as he pressed himself into her. She gave another whimper as her body tried to adjust to the intrusion, her inner muscles gripping him firmly. He couldn't help but groan; she was so tight it almost hurt, his body constricted by her muscles.

When they were both ready, he slowly drew himself almost completely out of her before thrusting back in as hard as he could. A sharp pain in his side pulled his mind away from her soft cry. Apparently he wasn't as healed as he thought he was. Up until now, very little they had done had hurt, but apparently this was his limit.

Noticing the pained expression on his face, she reached up to stroke his cheek. "Stop this, sir. You're not ready for sex."

"I'm more than ready; we're just going to do it a little differently."

Before she realized it, he had tipped and rolled to the side so she was now on top of him, sitting up with his cock still buried deep inside her. The change of positions forced his cock deeper into her body. Oh, god, he felt so good! So hot and large, her body still struggling to stretch around him.

"Much better," he said with his usual smirk.

"You're not ready for this…" she protested.

"Yes, I am."

"Stop acting like a child, sir. This is too much for you," she said, brushing his reply aside.

"Consider this an order, lieutenant," he said in a commanding voice, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

For a few unbelievably long seconds there was complete silence. Looking chastised, she turned her face to the side, attempting to suppress the shame and helplessness she felt.

"Yes, sir," she whispered. He didn't want her opinion or her concerns for his recovery, he wanted her body. She sighed softly. She felt so… so dirty… sullied. Even in Ishbal, with all the sand and the dirt and the killing, she had never felt quite so filthy. This would be yet another thing she could never wash clean from her body.

But she refused to cry. She had known this would be the consequence for giving into her desires, and as such, she would accept it. She took those emotions, forced them into a little room in her mind and shut the door behind them, sealing them away from the rest of her mind. After the years through and after Ishbal, she'd gotten good at that, but recently it had gotten harder every time she tried to close that door, like there was no more room for what she was trying to suppress.

When Roy saw her expression he groaned out loud. He did it again. He'd hurt her again. He just ordered her to have sex with her commanding officer and as a good little soldier, she would undoubtedly do as she was told.

"Riza," he said, reaching up to brush her cheek with his thumb, turning her head to face him. "I didn't mean it that way, I'm sorry. It's not an order and I won't to force you to do something you don't want to." Propping himself up on an elbow, he pulled her head back down for a kiss.

The meeting of their lips started softly enough, careful and tentative, neither willing to push too hard, but soon the kiss was filled with a fiery passion that consumed them both. She opened her mouth a little bit more, drawing his tongue between her lips, scraping him a little with her teeth as she enjoyed the mere taste of him.

He'd given her a way out. She could have said no and left him. Left him alone and unsatisfied, and she refused to do that to him. Besides, it wasn't all just for him. He was still buried deep inside her and he felt so very good. She finally felt whole and complete. It hurt knowing he didn't love her, but her body felt so very… satisfied.

She'd missed this. She'd missed him. And it was more than just feeling him inside her, she loved the feeling of being close to him, the feeling of giving him what he needed most right now. Unbeknownst to her, when he'd left her apartment that night he'd taken a part of her away with him. It had taken them being together like this for her to realize just how lonely and very empty she'd been. Now that she finally had him back, even though it hurt knowing she could be cast off the next day, she still loved him and would do anything to please him. Anything to be close to him again. She needed him.

Lips still caught in the sweetness of the kiss, she gave a tentative rock with her hips. With a loud groan, his hands moved down to cup her breasts, stroking her nipples with his thumbs. She gasped as a shiver shot down her spine, breaking their kiss. Sitting back she ground her hips against his, enjoying the building feeling of anticipation building in her stomach.

"Does this mean you're staying?" he asked.

She nodded her head, but didn't look him in the eye.

"Thank you," he whispered so softly she barely heard it. He took one of her hands and brought it to his lips, kissing her palm quickly. "Thank you."

Releasing her hand, he slid the rough pads of his fingertips down her body, over the soft pale skin of her belly and came to rest on her hips, steadying her as she slowly found a comfortable rhythm. Her well-rounded breasts swayed gently with her movements, her nipples tight, and he couldn't take his eyes off her beautiful body, now glistening with a light sheen of sweat. Every move she made tightened and relaxed muscles that flowed so very smoothly under her skin. She lifted herself slightly before allowing her body to sink lower on him, forcing more of his length into her. His eyes were drawn back to her breasts, enjoying the slight jiggle from her movements. With each thrust, she now added a slight twist to her hips, rubbing their bodies against each other even more. His groan of pleasure told her he enjoyed it and he tried to rock his pelvis harder against hers.

His fingers were now digging into her hips, squeezing her so tight she knew she would bruise, trying to pull her further down on him, allowing him to reach further into her body. She loved the feeling of being stretched so much, of how he guided her motions with just his hands on her hips. She wanted to rest her hands on his stomach, feeling the muscles there tighten and relax, but she didn't dare because of the bandages. Instead, she wrapped her hands around the fingers gripping her waist.

She finally risked looking up at his face and she almost lost the comfortable rhythm they'd found. His eyes were closed, an expression of pure bliss on his face. He looked better now than he had since before he'd been in the hospital. For a second she thought it was because of her, because he was enjoying this so much he couldn't open his eyes. That he wanted it to be her that was astride him.

But she knew better. Most likely, he was imagining she was someone else. Someone he wanted to be with instead of her, not wanting to end the fantasy by seeing her face. Emotions overwhelmed her, making her unable to control any of her thoughts and yet again she felt her eyes prickle with unshed tears. Damn it. She'd cried more in the past month than she had in the past twenty years. She swore to herself she wouldn't cry in front of anyone, any tears were for when she was alone. She really had become weak. Even more emotions to try and stuff into that little room in her mind.

Feeling her change of movement Roy opened his eyes to see her with her head bowed again. Her hands had left his to brush at her face. She was crying. It was only a few tears, wiped away quickly, but it wasn't his imagination, he was sure of it. He was at a complete loss of words; what had he done? It must have been something he'd said or something he'd done, but whatever it was, he'd hurt her. Again. Was it because of the order he'd let slip out? He just couldn't seem to stop hurting her. And she couldn't possibly love him if she was crying. He'd tried and he failed. Badly.

And then the tears were gone and she glanced up, hoping he hadn't seen them. Before she could find him looking at her, he closed his eyes so she wouldn't know he'd seen her crying. Everyone had their own secrets, their own weaknesses and if she wanted to cry, he wouldn't let on he knew.

His hands reached up for her, pulling her back down toward his chest, bringing her breasts down to his mouth. Capturing a rosy pink nipple, he sucked gently, running the rough taste buds on the flat of his tongue across the surface and feeling her tremble slightly over him. He now held her breast with one hand and his other wrapped around her ass, pulling her hips toward him, forcing himself in at a new angle, her soft mewlings only pleasing him more. He bit down on her nipple and her entire body tensed, squeezing his cock so tightly he couldn't help the groan that came from his throat.

"God, you feel so good!" he groaned. "Do it again." His teeth closed tightly around her nipple, earning a harsh hiss from her lips.

His demand made her smile softly as she again tightened around him, this time raising herself slightly with her legs, squeezing him tightly as he slowly slid out from the heat of her body. Unable to form words, he could only groan as she relaxed and lowered herself onto him again. He could feel how very wet she'd become, a small trail of her juices actually trickling down his balls onto the bed.

After squeezing him like that a few times, she found she had increased her pace, forcing herself down on him even harder, trying to take every inch of him that she could. Pulling away from his mouth, she sat back up balancing on her knees. This time she leaned back a little further, her hands on the bed to support herself as she arched her back and tipped her hips until his cock was hitting just the right spot, her breath coming in shallow gasps.

Looking up at her, he realized how breathtaking she really was. Her blonde hair stuck to her sweaty shoulders, her skin shining with a light sheen of sweat, her breasts bouncing and swinging enticingly with her movements. And her eyes, locked with his, shining brightly with an intensity that sent his heart pounding. She was watching him, her eyes studying his features. He could almost feel the sweet caress of her gaze. Biting her lower lip between her teeth, she was obviously trying not to cry out.

"Let it go, Riza. I want to hear you scream this time, I want to hear you scream my name." he said. He knew she was getting closer, her body tensing, her muscled walls surrounding him squeezing him tighter and tighter.

She released her lip and let out a groan, mouth hanging open and trying to force even more of him into her body. Her eyes were screwed shut, concentrating more on the intense sensations from where their bodies were grinding together. Her breaths were coming in deep pants, making her chest rise and fall even more than they had before.

"Open your eyes, Riza. I want to see you come. Look at me!" he ordered, her eyes flying open. Obeying his command, her eyes were open but they were unfocused, glazed from the overwhelming number of pleasurable sensations their bodies rubbing together created. She never stopped moving, pumping her self up and down on his cock, giving her hips the slightest twist.

_Damn, she was good._ The building pressure inside his body was becoming unbearable, his eyes feasting on the woman over him. He kept reminding himself this might be the last time he would ever see her like this, all control fallen away, becoming a woman so completely wrapped in pleasure that nothing else mattered to her. The only thing that mattered was the man whose cock she was impaling herself upon. He wanted to watch her this time, her face lit by the lights beside the bed. Her movements hastened, her back arching to push her breasts out even further.

In that second, she started trembling, her muscles tightening around him so firmly, she drew a cry from deep in his throat. Her eyes closed at the euphoric feeling, her head tipped back, displaying a long expanse of her soft pale skin. Her own voice soon drowned out his as his cry faded away.

"Roy!" She cried his name as her body began spasming around him. "Oh, god, Roy… so good…" she whimpered. "Feels so good…" She was poised, astride the man she loved, his cock so deep inside her it almost hurt and his hands still holding her tightly on her hips. At that moment, no matter what the circumstances, there was no other place she would rather be than here with him.

Her muscles were contracting around him, her body shaking and throughout it all, she never stopped moving, pumping herself up and down on his cock faster and faster, rocking her body back and forth. With a loud cry, he came, his body releasing everything he had into her welcoming body.

As their movements slowed, he removed his hands from her hips and he reached up to pull her body down to press against him, his lips searching for hers. He swallowed her cries, his tongue sweeping through her mouth, twisting and tangling with hers until they had to separate for breath. Spent, she completely collapsed over his body. Now exhausted, he held her comfortably in his arms, her face pressed to his chest. She snuggled against him.

"Riza?" he whispered. Her head moved slightly but she gave no response. With a sigh, he shifted the weight of her lower body off him and pulling out of her, wishing he didn't have to. He left her upper body resting on his chest and lovingly brushed her hair back from her face.

There was so much he needed to tell her. He needed to look into her eyes, try to express everything he couldn't seem to say in words. He loved her, he wanted her, he needed her and he couldn't imagine his life without her. He was so very sorry he ever hurt her. How much it pained him to see her in the office and pretend like nothing had happened, knowing she was so close but so far at the same time. Just out of reach. Ask her to stay with him forever, until the day they died, to never leave him alone again. He loved her so much he would give her anything she wanted; he would find a way for them to be together, no matter what the military said. Tell her how tired he was of being alone when he was so close to the one person he wanted more than life itself, so close that everyday he had the chance to reach out and touch her. He wanted to wrap himself around her while they slept, her soft smooth skin pressed against his own. Tell her he loved her, he belonged to her, she was more important to him than becoming fuhrer. To tell her how much he needed her. How much he wanted to hear her say she loved him.

But this was all he could do, hold her one last time while she slept. When she awoke, he would ask her what she wanted, even though he knew the answer. She had cried during sex. They hadn't been good tears; he could see it on her face. He was fairly sure it wasn't physical pain, it was from sadness. Sadness from being with him.

So, come morning, she would leave and this would be the last time he could hold her like this, his arms wrapped so tightly around her, her warm bare body stretched across his, her face pressed to his chest. His hand reached up and stroked her hair again. Everything about this woman was perfect and he loved every part of her. It really was love, he thought sadly. When she did find another man, Roy thought, that man would never be able to love her as much as he did. he just had to keep reminding himself it was what she wanted.

He had blood on his hands; blood that would never wash off. He knew he would have to pay for what he'd done and he didn't want to drag her down with him. She deserved so much more, more than he could ever give her. He would never be good enough for her. No one would ever be good enough for her.

He just wanted to see her smile again. A real smile. The way it lit up her face that raised his heart without her even knowing it.

Brushing a stray strand of hair from her face, he studied her sleeping. She looked so peaceful, so calm and serene. With a soft sigh, she moved around a bit before settling once again on his chest.

For now, he could pretend she was his. All of her. He tucked the blanket over their bodies and he watched her until he gradually fell asleep himself.

TBC

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_Please don't kill me! I swear they'll figure it out in the next chapter!_

_Reviews?_


	9. Chapter 9

She awoke next to him on the bed, wrapped in his arms and praying this was real. Praying that every gentle loving stroke had actually had meaning to him too. Knowing it didn't left her cold and empty inside. And dirty. She had never felt so unclean in her entire life; nothing more than a common whore. The word echoed in her brain until she thought she would go crazy. She loved him more than her own life, and he would never want to be with her, other than those quick moments for sex in the hall or in his bed.

She turned slightly to look at him. He looked so comfortable, so content. In just the faint glow from the streetlight through the window, his hair was a sharp contrast against the white of the pillows and the bed. How many times had she dreamed of being this close to him, waking up in his arms or even waking up to see his sleeping face on the pillow next to her? Now that she had it, she realized she wanted to wake up to more than just his body lying there, she wanted _him_. She wanted to see his smile when he opened his eyes and realized it was her lying next to him. That he wanted it to be _her_ there.

Studying his face, she noticed that when he slept, the lines on his face from everyday stress smoothed out, turning him back into the boy she'd known before Ishbal. That was a time before any of them knew what the life of a soldier was really like. Everything changed in that desert, their lives, their attitudes; they'd had their eyes opened to the harsh and cruel side of the world.

She could also see the young boy who'd come to study under her father. The boy so obsessed with alchemy, he was barely aware of her existence. The boy who'd been so happy with every successful transmutation that he would celebrate with a joyous yell and a victory dance around the room. She'd hidden a few times just to see that dance and thought it was one of the funniest things she'd ever seen. He was just so enthusiastic. And so optimistic. But that had been a long time ago.

In that face she could also see the man who'd won her heart. She wasn't exactly sure when it had happened, but she suspected it had been quite some time ago. Probably around the time when he'd decided to become führer and make the world a little less cruel.

Carefully moving the arm he had draped across her stomach, she gently slid out of bed trying not to wake him. Gathering her clothing from around the room, she willed herself not to cry. How could something that had felt so good just a short time before hurt her so much now? Because she had, once again, deluded herself into thinking he could possibly love her. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to prevent unshed tears from falling as she closed the bedroom door behind her.

"Riza…" she heard him call her name just a second before she closed the door. "Riza, wait, please." She crumpled. Her shoulders slumped and she leaned her head against the closed door she tried to force herself to walk away. If she left now, she wouldn't have to listen to him justify what they'd done. Or ask her to do it again. Yet she couldn't just leave.

Opening the door, she felt cold and exposed, standing naked in the hallway with her clothes jumbled in her arms. He had turned on a lamp on the bedside table, its dim light barely illuminating the room.

"Yes, sir?"

Roy felt crushed. _Sir_. She'd started calling him sir again. He just wanted to hear her say his name once more. His first name. To hear it whispered in his ear or cried out in passion. Even hearing it spoken in her normal voice or a chiding tone would be enough. Anything to acknowledge he was more to her than just a higher ranked military officer.

"Riza, are you leaving?"

"I need to get home, sir. I'd really like to shower and change before work tomorrow and… you got what you needed from me."

Oh, god, she still thought he only wanted her for sex. "Weren't you even going to say goodbye?" He whispered.

"You're still recovering from surgery and you need your sleep, sir." She glanced up at the man sitting upright in the bed, a section of his chest and stomach covered in bandages. His black hair was mussed and he had pillow lines on his cheek. She couldn't look at him for long before lowering her head, not wanting him to see the pain in her eyes.

"That's all I've been doing this past week. I'm tired of sleeping."

_Please don't let him ask me for sex again. I'm not strong enough for that. _"Will you be all right, sir? I'll send one of the men over in the morning to check on you." She heard herself say. The ache in her chest was getting stronger.

"You won't come yourself?"

Her heart was now screaming so loudly she was surprised he didn't hear it. She didn't want to look at him or talk with him anymore, it hurt too much and reminded her of just how low she'd sunk. She bowed her head further, unable to stop the tears now flowing down her cheeks. When had she become such a crybaby? Oh, that's right – just about the time she became a whore for her commanding officer. Right before she realized she'd completely lost her heart to a man who didn't want it.

"If you make it an order, sir, I'll be here in the morning." She whispered.

In the dim light from the lamp, he saw her tears and it broke his heart. Couldn't he ever do anything right? In an attempt to hold on to her, he'd pushed her even further away. He climbed out of bed, wincing slightly at the stretch of his wounds. Taking her hand, he pulled her back to sit with him on the edge of the bed, allowing her clothing drop to the floor again.

"Riza, please don't cry." His hand reached out to wipe the tears from her face. "I'm sorry about everything I've said and done wrong. I want to make it up to you, do something for you. I want you to have a good life, a perfect life and I'll get you whatever it is that will make you happy. I swear, whatever it is, if I can, I'll do it for you, I'll find it for you."

"You're offering me compensation?" she stood back up and reached for the pile of clothes on the floor. "I really am nothing more than a call girl, am I?"

"No! Never!" He reached for her again. "I screwed up and I've made your life miserable. I even made you cry." His hand again wiped at her tears. "All I want is to see you happy; I want to see you smile again. After everything you've done for me, after protecting me for so many thankless years, you deserve to have something that will bring you joy. Please let me do this. No matter what it takes, I'll get it for you. I'll never come anywhere near you again, if that's what you want."

She returned to stand in front of him, recently re-gathered clothing still in her arms. "That's not what I want; you can't give me what I want," she whispered sadly, more tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Just tell me. Please," he begged.

"I want you," she said softly in defeat, still not looking at him. "All of you. I want your body, your mind, your heart and your soul. And I know you can't give that to me, so it's better if I just leave…"

"No! Wait! Don't! Don't go." He was off the bed instantly, ignoring the pains in his stomach and side, reaching out and wrapping his arms around her. Holding her as close as possible, the clothes pushed once again out of her arms to fall on the floor so there was nothing between their bare skin.

"You really want me?" he asked in wonder. "Even after all the terrible things I've done? The way I've treated you…"

She nodded, tears, once again, running freely down her cheeks, the warm drops falling onto the shoulder that she had her face pressed into. "I'm sorry, sir. You were never supposed to know. I told you there was no way you could give me such things. I'm so sorry." But he continued to hold her tightly to his chest and buried his face in her hair.

"I love you, Riza," he whispered into her hair. The words finally came and they felt right. He placed soft kisses in her blonde tresses, never feeling so relieved in his life. She said she wanted him. She said that was all she wanted. _Him_.

"What?" startled, she looked up into his face, praying this wasn't a joke. Praying she hadn't made a mistake, and that he'd really said what she thought she'd heard.

"I love you," he said as he released a pent-up breath. It felt so unbelievably good saying those words. He'd been so afraid she would laugh at him, or brush him aside telling him he was being an idiot. But things were different and this time he was finally able to tell her how he felt. "I have for some time now. You've been by my side for so long and I just haven't been able to say those words. If you really do want me, I'm yours."

"You aren't just saying that, are you?" She was scared to look him in the eye, afraid he was just saying those words so she'd stop crying. When she finally met his eyes the emotions she saw there took her breath away. He was absolutely serious.

As he shook his head no, she couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine. He loved her. He really did care for her. This strong, smart, good-hearted man loved her. She never felt so elated. "I love you, too." She whispered softly in his ear moving her lips to kiss his cheek.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tightly against him and swinging her around in a circle.

"Roy! Put me down, Roy!" she cried out, struggling slightly.

"Ouch, oh, bad idea, really bad idea," he groaned, lowering her to the ground. Looking at his face, she could see the pain showing on it. She couldn't help but giggle softly into his ear.

"Roy, what did you think you were doing?" Her hands reached for the bandages.

"Oooh, ouch, ouch. Okay, it wasn't the greatest idea, but I'm just so…" he fumbled for a word. "Happy," He finished lamely, looking down at her.

"I think happy covers it." She leaned back to look up at his face, watching as a contented smirk crossed his face. She smiled back and for the first time in months, she showed him a real smile, one filled with a delightful joy he hadn't seen for years. Leaving his arms and giving him a slightly mischievous glance, she turned and pulled him back toward the bed. Releasing his hand, she climbed in, resting back on a few pillows and patted the bed beside her.

"Come back to bed, sir."

"You'll stay?"

"Of course… as long as you want me to." A hint of hesitation flashed through her eyes, quickly disappearing when he slipped under the covers and lay next to her, curling an arm over her to hold her tight and he rested his head on her shoulder just above her breast. She wrapped her arms around him and stroked his soft black hair. "But right now, all we're going to do is rest."

He smirked. That's what she thought But he had to admit, just laying with her, their arms wrapped around each other, was a good feeling too. They lay in silence for a few minutes, each considering the words said so shortly before.

"You know we could lose every thing because of this." She said softly.

"We won't," he stated firmly. "I almost lost you twice before, I'm not going to let it happen again."

"Twice?"

"At least twice, probably more," he said. His hand slid down to rest on her stomach, tracing patterns over her soft skin. "But two really stand out in my mind. First in the basement of that warehouse; when I heard your gunfire as you shot at that homunculus, I was so scared. I finally got there to find you on your knees crying."

"She told me you were dead. She would have killed me whether I fired at her or not."

"I suppose she would have." He sighed. "I was so afraid she had hurt you. If I had been even a little later, you could have been gone." He held her tighter, afraid she would disappear from his arms. Her gentle hand continued to stroke his hair.

"And the other time?"

"When I let you think I only wanted you for sex."

"Why didn't you correct me?"

"I thought it was for the best."

"How could that have been for the best? You have no idea how dirty I felt," she said sadly. "I thought you only wanted me for sex because I was just a convenient woman working in the same office. I felt so dirty and pathetic for wanting a man I could never have. For wanting a man too far above me." Now it was her turn to hold him tight. It was as if she thought he was going to come to his senses and try to leave her.

"What?" He looked up at her unbelievingly.

"Roy, you're a good man. You're smart and you're handsome and you care about others. I've worked with you for seven or eight years now and you've had a date almost every night! I've seen you with these beautiful women, every one of them fawning all over you. Giggling and laughing, teasing you. Why would you pick me? Most of the time I don't even look female."

"Is that why you grew your hair out?"

"Maybe. But I'm nothing special so why me?"

"You're wrong, Riza. You know all of the bad things I've done and you don't hate me for it. When I've needed help and support you've always been there for me. Do you think I could really talk to those other women? That I could put my life in their hands? I could have said anything to them and they would have dumbly nodded their heads, agreeing with whatever I had said. I could have told them I_ am_ the Führer and they would have agreed with me. But you…" He pulled himself up on the bed until he could give her a soft kiss on the lips. "You have no problem calling me an idiot and telling me when I'm doing something stupid, like trying to use my ignition gloves in the rain. I can be myself around you because you are so special." His mouth strayed to whisper softly in her ear. "And don't try to tell me you aren't pretty. I can't even find the words to tell you exactly how beautiful you are." His hand reached up to play with a blonde curl.

"If they mean so little, why do you keep seeing them?"

He sighed and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Most of them aren't dates... They're information drops."

"Information drops?"

"After the Ishballan war, when my popularity was at its height and shortly before you started working for me, Hughes approached me with an idea for gathering intelligence on some of the higher-ups. At his suggestion we tapped an… an underutilized resource. Gossip. Namely the gossip from… certain 'business' ladies. For a fee, these ladies are willing to report to me what they have learned of local military men, or women, who frequent their services. Some of these ladies are quite adept at unknowingly weaseling information out of their customers. The information is exchanged via my 'dates'."

"Surely there weren't that great a number of women spying for you that you went out every night."

"I had a significant number of real dates, but only enough to keep up appearances and I didn't sleep with all of them. As you probably know, men aren't the only ones who brag about their sex lives. Social standards and the sociology behind bragging made it easy for my reputation to grow amongst the female population by just bragging alone. Any woman I did have sex with would brag and in an attempt to not be left out, those I didn't would agree or even exaggerate to give the impression they did. And I never bothered to correct them."

"How about Havoc's girlfriends?"

"Ah, those were all for fun." He said with a smirk.

"So you're a scheming lech."

"Well, I wouldn't put it that way…"

"How would you put it?"

"I'm enterprising at gathering intelligence?" He sounded rather pleased with himself.

"Now I agree with Ed; you are a sneaky bastard. When was the last time you had a real date?"

He sighed. "It's been a while and the last one I had sex with, I… I called her Riza."

"I'm not sure whether I should be flattered or offended."

"Let's go with flattered. Besides, none of them really loved me, they were only interested by my fame from the Ishbal war." His voice was slightly dejected. "It wasn't like I broke any of their hearts."

She understood. The Ishbal war would always be a part of him – a part of anyone who fought there. One of the things that tortured him the most was the fame he received from his deeds there. Upheld as a hero of the war, he was haunted by the lives of the people he had been ordered to kill, racked with guilt over the deaths of innocent people.

"Why didn't you ever tell me they were all just for show?"

"I didn't think it would matter to you. But you have to promise to keep this a secret."

"You didn't trust me for the past eight years, why now?"

"Because you deserve an explanation. Next to no one in the military knows about this." He turned his head to kiss her bare shoulder, hoping she wouldn't analyze his answer. But she did.

"Next to no one… so someone other than Hughes knew about this? May I ask who?"

"Well, your grandfather had a hand in it."

She turned to look down at him in surprise. "My grandfather is still married; he hasn't dated for years. How could he help with this?"

"Erm…" Roy cleared his throat. "He gave me some assistance in developing my persona. The lech part. Not only is he quite the actor, he also assisted with some of the gossiping – getting the word out."

"I'm a little hurt you never told me."

"I'm telling you now. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"I suppose so. What else aren't you telling me?"

"Mmmm, I'll have to let you know." She could feel his lips smirk against her skin.

"Am I going to have to persuade you every time I want information from you?"

"Depending on the method of persuasion, it wouldn't hurt."

"Shhh…" she kissed his cheek and mumbled. "Let me just lay here for a few moments. You kinda wore me out."

"Sure," he said, pulled a blanket to cover them and snuggled close, his eyes drooping closed. "This is good, too," he mumbled.

TBC

* * *

A big thanks to my beta Zanne Chaos! 

Well, finally they figured it out. I'm not terribly happy with this chapter, something just makes it feel… anticlimactic. Don't be terribly surprised if it gets rewritten in the future. (slight edit: 8/22/07. I like it better, but there will probably be another edit after this too.)

I see one or maybe two chapters, depending on a) my lemon writing mood and b) how another lemon would fit in.

Opinions on this would be helpful… (review, hint, hint, please review)


	10. Chapter 10

"She's gone, Hughes." Roy sat at the table, head in his hands, speaking to the figure of a man sitting on a stack of unpacked boxes. The morning light shone brightly, illuminating the kitchen with rays of light. "I woke up and reached for her and the bed was empty. Did I imagine it all?"

"She'll be back." Hughes reassured him. "Look at the bowl still on the floor for Black Hayate."

"I hope you're right."

"Of course I am. Don't doubt her." Roy looked back up at his friend. "She said she loved you, right?"

"Yes," he replied softly. A small smile appeared on his face and he tried to remember everything she'd said the night before.

In the middle of the night, he'd woken up to find her gathering her clothes and leaving the bedroom. In his wish to make her happy, he'd stopped her and asked what he could give her or do for her and she said there was only one thing she wanted -- him. He'd never heard such sweet words. She said she wanted him. It couldn't have all been a dream. Surely life wasn't that cruel.

It was easy to think that but he knew just how cruel life could be. She was gone. Nothing of her remained -- he'd checked his bedroom and the living room, but she'd left nothing. The only sign she'd been there was the bowl on the floor of the kitchen and a few dog hairs on his couch. She had to have been here. Surely he hadn't imagined it all. It couldn't have been just a dream...

"Have a little faith in her." A different yet familiar, voice said from across the table. Roy's head popped up. The ghostly and slightly transparent figure of Havoc was sitting in another kitchen chair.

"Oh, no, no, no!" Roy stood and pointed an accusing finger at the new figure sitting across the table. "No, you don't! You're not dead so you can't be here!"

"So you'll only see dead people then." Havoc said critically.

Roy grumbled something about insubordinate specters.

"Hey, I just lost use of my legs, isn't that close enough to death?" The smoke from his ghostly cigarette wafted up toward the ceiling. Roy would have sworn he could even smell it.

"No. There's got to be a way to heal you and I will find it. My mother once spoke of something called Ritanjustsu from Xing and as soon as I'm well, I'm going to learn more about it. Remember you said you'd support me on my way to the top and I intend to hold you to that, Lieutenant."

"Yeah well, as soon as I can use my legs, I'm still going to kick your ass for hurting her, Chief. And I think it's a form of discrimination if you won't talk to me just because I'm not dead," the man complained as he faded away.

Roy sat down at the table again, once again, his head in his hands. Yep, he was insane. Being harassed by the ghosts and memories of one dead man and another undead man pretty much threw him into the wacko category.

And she was still gone.

"She'll be back." Roy heard Hughes's voice say only a second before the back door into the kitchen creaked open and a furry face poked through. With a single bark of greeting, the puppy trotted to the bowl on the floor and sloppily drank some of the water.

"Riza!" he called out when he saw the sunlight glinting off her blonde head. In his pleasure at seeing her he hadn't even realized Hughes had disappeared, as he always did in the presence of others.

"Sir, what are you doing out of bed?"

"You're back," he stated. The pure joy on his face sent her heart doing back-flips in her chest.

"Of course I'm back." She said indignantly. "I had to walk Hayate and you had nothing to eat here." She set the bag of food down on his counter. "I also stopped by my place to pick up some fresh clothes."

He barely let her set her bag of clothes on the floor before he had her wrapped in his arms, holding her tightly with his face pressed into her hair, breathing in the sweet scent of her shampoo.

"I thought I'd dreamed it all," he whispered into her hair. "I woke up alone and I couldn't find you. The only sign you had been here was Hayate's fur on my couch and the bowl in my kitchen. I thought last night was another one of those dreams from the medication." He squeezed her even tighter, determined not to let go until he was sure she was real.

"Si- Roy, I left a note on the bathroom counter. Didn't you even look there? You aren't supposed to be out of bed for very long, much less searching the place." His lips searched for hers, quickly finding and pressing them hard against his own. Her hands automatically reached up to cradle his head, fingers playing with his hair as the warmth of his mouth flooded through hers. Her lips had opened instantly for his tongue to sweep through her mouth, enjoying his taste and the pleasurable sensations drawing a small moan from her. And time stopped, the only thing that mattered was the man holding her in his arms, kissing her so sweetly, knowing at that very moment there was no other place she'd rather be. Knowing this was where he too, wanted to be.

Finally pulling away, he whispered softly, his breath hot on her cheek, "That doctor doesn't know what he's talking about; I'm fine."

"Absolutely not. You're on bed rest for at least another couple ofdays," she said sternly, having regained control of herself. Her next words were softer with a slight teasing tone. "Besides, then I have an excuse to be here."

"By all means then, let's go back to bed!" He said with a smirk as he tried to pull her toward the bedroom. "I think I feel a relapse coming on..."

"Breakfast first." She removed his hands and turned back to the counter to pulled several grocery items from the sack, including a pale blue box with gold script on the top. "Where are your baking pans?" she asked. He looked confused. Brushing him aside, she rummaged through a few boxes before finding a slightly dented old pan to put the sweet rolls in. As she opened the pale blue box to remove the pastries, his arms wrapped around her from behind.

"If you're staying, you definitely have too many clothes on." His skilled fingers found the buttons of her coat, pulling the garment away to toss it on a chair and start on the next piece. He reached for her blouse and she smacked at his groping hands.

"Roy, stop that. Just because you're only wearing your boxers doesn't mean I need to be naked."

"No, you should be naked because I want you to be," he said, his voice low and seductive in her ear. He lowered his head to kiss along her jaw. "I think you should be naked at all times when you're in my apartment. Come to think of it, I should be too." He stripped himself of his boxers and tossed them toward the pile of unopened boxes of furnishings, Riza's eyes automatically falling to his growing erection.

"I want to see and touch each and every part of you, Riza, while I can," he said with a touch of sadness. He was well aware of how difficult any relationship they had would be and how little time they could be together without arousing suspicions. He wanted to be with her as long as possible until they were forced back into their regular positions, enough to dull his painful need of her. He could never get enough of her, but maybe he could dull the edge of that need a little. Just enough to keep himself from throwing her on his desk at the office and screwing her into oblivion.

He tugged at her blouse nearly hard enough to break the buttons until she gave in and unfastened them herself. Piece by piece, he removed every part of her clothing, kissing the soft smooth skin newly revealed until she was standing just in her panties and bra.

"I didn't notice they were this lacy last night..." he said, running his fingers under the elastic band of her panties.

"You were focused on other things," she said, taking a few coffee cups from the cupboard and setting them on the counter. His fingers fumbled for the clasp of her bra and he drew the straps off her shoulders.

"I guess I was," he said as his hands reached around her to touch her bare breasts, gently stroking her nipples with his thumb and forefinger. "There are just too many good parts of you, I keep getting distracted."

"Can I distract you long enough for you to get back to bed?" she said, trying to keep her concentration on breakfast instead of his wonderfully skilled mouth.

"Not without you. You know that will be the only way of getting me back there."

"I have no problem with that," she said, her mind pushing aside thoughts of cleaning his apartment and unpacking some of the boxes. The bathroom looked like it hadn't been cleaned since he moved in -- and it probably hadn't. Her hands were just itching to clean this place. It was always easier to clean someone else's things than it was your own. Ah, well, maybe while he slept she could work on other things. Or maybe she would just cuddle up to him and sleep all day.

"Now, you go to bed, I'll bring the coffee and rolls in a minute."

"Lieutenant, you seem awfully determined to get me into bed..." he said with a smirk. He liked how she blushed lightly at the observation.

"Well, it took long enough and I don't want you going anywhere for the next few days. If I _have_ to have sex with you to accomplish that, so be it." She flashed him a mischievous look.

"Mmmm. Since you said it would only take a minute to make breakfast, I think I'll just wait here in the kitchen with you." He came up behind her and pinned her against the counter, his mouth lowering to lick and suck gently at her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered shut and she bit her lip to stifle her groan, only releasing it to speak. "Oh god, how did you get so good at this?" His teeth nipped at her skin.

"Many, many fantasies of you," he whispered softly. Blonde hair still held up in its clasp drew his eyes to the elegant curve of her bare neck, which he kissed softly.

While she was struggling with the coffee percolator, he continued to distract her, his lips roaming lower, again kissing the scars on her back. She turned to slip the pan of sweet rolls into the oven while he continued to look at her back.

"I'm sorry for this, Riza," he said tracing the scar with his finger. "Because of me, you have this terrible scar."

"Are you going to do this every time you see my bare back?"

"What, feel guilty? I look at it and all I can think is how badly damaged your body is because of me and my alchemy," he said leaning against the counter and watched her.

She turned and reached for him, pulling him close and resting her head on his shoulder. "I don't see it that way, Roy. These symbols on my body became a common bond between us, something that linked us together even when we were apart."

He softly kissed her bare shoulder as she continued. "When I first showed them to you, I knew I would follow after you, to protect you if you used them well or... kill you if they didn't. When I asked you to destroy them, it only completed our bond because I knew I would never pass that secret on to anyone else. I knew I had chosen the right man the first time and I don't want to give away your secret to just anyone who may have accidentally seen them. I could have been responsible for creating a monster."

"You did," he said in a slightly dejected tone.

"No. I created a great alchemist who will change the world. And I'll be with him the whole way to make sure he doesn't... screw... it... up." She emphasized the last words, separating them with a kiss.

"You really see it that way? That you chose the right man."

"Of course. You're the right man, one determined to push for change in the government even at the risk of your own life."

"And yours."

"That's my choice."

"Did they hurt when your father burned them on you?"

"Of course, but only for a short time."

"Why did you let him?"

She leaned closer on his bare chest and with a soft sigh, she explained. "My father had other students before you. The secrets of flame alchemy were something handed down through the Hawkeye family, each user improving it in some small way. My grandfather was one of the first state alchemists but by the time he died, he'd seen the dangers of such a position and changed his mind, no longer supporting the institution. My father agreed with him and this was why he so strongly objected to you becoming one.

"Father never taught any of his other students the secrets to flame alchemy either. When his illness became life threatening, he left the information to me; calling it my birthright. He asked before burning those symbols onto my back and I agreed. Because I didn't learn my family's alchemy, he at least gave me the power to pass it on to whomsoever I chose, so as to give the it to the next generation. His wish was to keep the secret in the family but if I wouldn't be the one to use the flame alchemy, I could at least choose who would."

"And you chose me?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever regretted that?"

"In Ishbal, when I first saw what you could do with it, I held you in the sights of my rifle, debating with myself about pulling the trigger. And then I saw how much it aged you, how completely miserable you made yourself over using it to kill civilians. I realized this wasn't your choice; you were merely used as another military weapon. When you finally told me you wanted to become führer and the reasons why, I knew you were the right man.

"These symbols are yours now. Having them on my back is something that links me to you. It's a special bond that only I have with you."

He turned her around so she faced the counter and displayed her entire back to him. "I can't promise you they still won't bother me, but I'll try to see it your way." He lowered his mouth to kiss the individual symbols he knew by heart.

"Thank you," she whispered. Her eyes flew open and she twisted to open the oven. "Oh, no! The rolls!" she cried out. "I just needed to warm them up!"

Roy started laughing as she scrambled around the kitchen looking for hot pads. Only finding a towel, she pulled the pan out to set it on the top of the stove. She poked the rolls with a fork and sighed in relief. "At least the caramel didn't burn," she said just as the coffee started to perk. She turned to look at Roy who was panting heavily and leaning against the counter with a hand pressed to his bandages.

"Oh, god, Riza," he chuckled. "Don't do that again. It hurts to laugh. I think I tore something."

"Serves you right for laughing at me," she grumbled, showing him no sympathy. She transferred the rolls to a plate and using a fork, scraped the remaining caramel from the pan. Turning, she thrust two empty coffee cups at him. "If you're well enough to laugh, you're well enough to help. Now take those to the bedroom and I'll be right behind you with the rolls and coffee."

Roy smirked and obediently headed for the bedroom, happy to lead her back to his favorite place to see her; curled up with him in his bed.

TBC

* * *

Hi everyone, thanks so much for the reviews! I actually have more than a hundred reviews, I can't believe it! I've never gotten so many reviews for a story and it's so nice to find those comments in my email when I get home. Only one more chapter to go and I hope to get it up fairly quickly (the next week or so). My mind has already started turning to new fics and I'm struggling to finish this before working on those. I hate unfinished fics and I promised myself I wouldn't post anything I could possibly leave unfinished. 

I touched up the last chapter and I like it a little better now – not _quite_ so anticlimactic, but it will probably get rewritten with the rest of the fic in a few months.

And I did like the suggestion about 'christening' his new desk when he's fuehrer, but I want my ending to slip back into the manga so my story could have been just a missing scene or two. But I like the suggestion and might write that scene anyway... I'll explain my ideas for the end of the story after the next chapter.

So just one more chapter and yep, I threw in another lemon. Because I can.

And please review! I like to know if people are actually still reading this.


	11. Chapter 11

He watched her as she walked toward him down the hall to the bedroom, a puppy prancing at her heels and her body unclothed but for the lace panties. Her hips had a slight sway and her bare breasts bounced lightly with each step, her movements sure and unembarrassed by her nearly complete lack of clothing. Her concentration had turned from him to the puppy trying so hard to trip her, not trip her enough for her to fall, but enough for her to stumble and drop the caramel covered sweet rolls into his waiting mouth.

"Shoo, come on, move it Hayate." She mumbled in exasperation. "You will not be a happy puppy if I fall on you. I mean it, move!"

She finally reached the bed, setting the plate on the bed and filling the coffee cups on the side table. Crawling into bed, she settled next to him, positioned the plate between their reclined bodies and reached for a cup of coffee and a sweet roll. Hayate sat by the bed giving Roy pitiful puppy eyes, hoping he could be convinced to give him something.

"Eat, sir," she said, holding the roll up to his lips.

Turning his attention from the begging puppy, he looked at her roll without taking a bite. "What did I tell you about calling me sir?"

"Not to do it," she said sullenly, like a child who knows better yet continues to do exactly what she'd been told not to.

"Call me Roy when we're alone." He smiled and took a bite of her roll, chewing thoughtfully before swallowing it.

"Hmmm," she said as she raised the roll to her mouth. "I would have thought you might like being called sir, especially during sex."

"I guess it depends on how dirty you can make it sound…" he said with a smirk.

"I'll work on it. I may need some practice though."

"That can be arranged, lieutenant."

"Food first," she said and held the roll up again.

He happily took another bite and reached for his a cup of coffee. "I just don't understand why you still want me." He asked. "I did such thoughtless and cruel things to you. You should have someone who can love you. Someone you can have something more than just sex with, someone with whom you don't have to hide your relationship. Someone you can get married to and have kids with."

"But _you_ love me, right?" she asked. He nodded. "I don't want those things if they aren't with you, Roy, and hiding doesn't bother me. Someday we'll be able to do whatever we want in front of anyone we want, I know it." She reached over to stroke his cheek gently, his light stubble prickly on the pads of her fingers.

"Well… we don't have to hide as much as you might think. Havoc knows; he's actually the one who really pushed me to tell you. He also implied the others in the office know why things have been strained between us recently."

Riza wasn't terribly surprised; they were all in that office everyday and none of them were unobservant idiots. "So why did you allow me to think you only wanted me for sex?"

He bowed his head, staring into his coffee cup, suddenly hesitant to meet her eyes. "I didn't know you if you loved me. You do, don't you?" He looked up uncertainly.

"Of course I do, you idiot." She smiled at him, a full smile, one that reached her sparkling eyes.

"Hughes always said you did. I thought he was imagining things."

"That doesn't explain why you didn't tell me the truth."

"There were a number of reasons." He sighed, taking another sip of coffee. "You're a target by just working with me. If anyone knew how important you are to me, you'll be the first thing they go for to get to me."

"That's not a very good reason. I'd rather be a target than not be with you. You said there were more reasons?" she took another roll for herself and offered him the last one on the plate.

"I didn't think you could love me." he licked a little caramel from his finger. "You're one of the few people who know me for what I am and if I told you I love you and you called me a complete idiot for thinking you could ever love me in return, I…" his voice trailed off. "I guess I was afraid. I haven't told a woman I love her since I was five years old and I didn't think I could take it if you shot me down. Literally or figuratively."

"You're still an idiot, but not for that reason."

"Riza, you know every terrible thing I've done; you've seen me at my worst. How could I hope for you to love me knowing all that? Besides, I wanted you to have a happy life. I don't know if I can offer you that. A safe life with a family."

"Who says I still can't?"

"With me?"

"If you want." She looked up at him with slight hesitation.

"Oh yes, I want, but my life isn't meant to have a happy ending. I hurt you. I haven't done anything to deserve you." he turned to place the empty coffee cup on the table.

"Deserve me?" she sighed in exasperation. Roy had always hated himself for what had happened in Ishbal, and while he was generally able to keep it in check for outsiders, every now and then those feelings of inadequacy would overwhelm him. Especially when he had nightmares about the war. Sometimes when it was really bad, it would take both Riza and Hughes to knock him out of those melancholy moods. Now she only hoped she was strong enough to do it alone.

"Roy, you're a good man. Like any other person you've done good things and you've done bad things. But it's the good things you've done since Ishbal that count." She handed him her empty cup and he placed it on the side table next to his. "Just look at the Elrics; I know what you're trying to do with Ed. I see a lot of you in him and I trust you know how to help him to learn what he needs to know to keep himself and Al alive, and learn it as easily and quickly as possible. You're a good man and you have a good heart and you deserve some happiness too. And we'll succeed in our goal, we will make a change. So until you're Führer, we'll enjoy being together in secret. I only want you. I love you. As long as I have you and Black Hayate, I'll be happy."

"But I've done so many bad things. I've killed more people than the average man has ever met. I have blood on my hands that can never be removed."

"So do I; as soldiers, we all do. Its part of the life we've all chosen but it doesn't mean you can't have some moments of happiness. Please," with a single finger under the chin, she turned his face to look at her again. "For me."

She had a pleading look on her face that turned into a smile when he nodded. "I can try. It just seems too good to be true." She raised her hand to stroke his cheek again, her palm sliding down his face until her thumb rested on his lips.

"Sometimes it isn't a matter of deserving love; it's accepting it when it's offered." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss before swirled the last bite of her roll in the caramel remaining on the plate and popping it into her mouth.

"Mmmmm…" He gave her a suspicious smirk.

"Roy… what are you thinking?" she asked, immediately wary.

"This," he pushed her over so she was lying on her back. Running his finger over the plate, he gathered some of the still warm caramel and held it over her chest, allowing the sticky liquid to drip over her bare skin.

"Ahhh," she sighed, understanding his intentions. He scooped more from the plate and dragged his fingers over her skin, leaving caramel trails over her stomach and back up to her breasts. "Roy, I'm going to be all sticky now."

"Oh, I don't think that will be a problem for very long." He said. He raised his hand to her mouth, offering his sticky fingers to her. Parting her lips, she grasped his hand with hers and pulled his first two fingers into her mouth, sucking at them softly while her tongue took strong sure strokes around the digits. "Mmmm… that feels good. How did you get so good with your mouth?"

Pulling his hand away from her mouth, she released his fingers with a last quick lick. "You aren't the first man I've been with…" she said softly.

Roy's eyebrow rose. "Well, I kind of figured that, but who was he?"

"It's not important."

"Do I know him?"

"Why? Are you jealous?"

"Depends on if I know him or not."

"It was Havoc." She gave him a mischievous grin.

"What?! I'll kill him."

Her warm laugh filled the room. "I was joking! Just teasing you. It wasn't Havoc and you probably didn't even know the guy. He was a civilian."

"Better not have been Havoc or I'll have to go kill him when I'm well for taking advantage of my woman." He said grumpily.

"Your woman? So I'm a possession?"

"Yep. Mine. All mine." He growled, looking up at her face, a deep hunger blazing in his expressive black eyes. She swallowed hard, trying to rid herself of the lump that had appeared in her throat.

"I – I think I can live with that," she said hoarsely. She had been thinking about that just the night before, how she wouldn't mind being his as long as he was hers. "As long as you're mine, too."

"Of course," he replied, moving up to kiss her lips.

"Now would you start licking this caramel off me?" she whispered into his mouth.

"And I think _I_ can handle that." His head dipped down to lick at the sweet liquid trailing between her breasts, enjoying the sound of her soft sighs. The combination of the caramel and the sweet taste of her skin was something he wouldn't soon forget. He followed the sticky line down to her belly button, quickly dipping the hard tip of his tongue into the divot of her flesh, twisting and turning to get every bit of the caramel from it. Her hands reached down to run through his hair, gripping his head and guiding his mouth over her skin.

He could feel the muscles of her stomach tensing and relaxing under his ministrations, her hands slowly leading his mouth up to her breasts, still covered in the sweet liquid. Changing techniques, he used his teeth to scrape the caramel from her body. Nipping and tugging at the soft flesh of her breast, he bit down just a bit harder with her whimpers.

"Oh… Roy," she said softly. "That feels so good…" Her body arched toward him while she continued to hold his head close, his tongue still licking at her skin. She whimpered when he finally closed his mouth around her nipple and sucked, drawing as much of her into his mouth as possible, scraping her with his teeth.

And then he bit down.

She cried his name in pleasure as her head tipped back, her spine arching until he thought her back would break. He felt himself get even harder with her scream, her sudden strength holding his body close to hers.

Her hands squeezed his head tight as the wonderful spike of pain ran through her body, directly to her clit, holding him so he couldn't pull his mouth away from her skin. She'd never felt such an incredible and uncontrollable force flow through her; it was as if her body was no longer responding to her wishes, it was merely reacting on its own to his touch, her muscles automatically contracting to push herself toward him, offering more of her skin to his teeth. And it felt so good.

Strange, she had never been much of one for pain during sex, but this was different – he was different. It just felt so amazing! She ached for more with his next bite. His teeth and mouth would leave marks all over her body, she already had a few from last night, but she welcomed them. Every bruise, every tender spot would remind her of him, that he had marked her as his. That he wanted her to be his alone and remind her he was the one who could make her feel this good.

Releasing her, he bathed the tooth-marked skin with his tongue, soothing the tender flesh. One breast clean, he turned to the other, biting and scraping, sucking and lapping at it in turn until he had the last drop of caramel off her skin. He took one last nip at the underside of her breast, earning another whimper of pleasure.

He couldn't help but smirk at her favorable reactions. Personally, he'd always enjoyed a little bit of pain, it brought him to a heightened sense of awareness, reminding him that he was still alive but his reaction tended to be something his partners didn't share. Due to the unfavorable reaction, he had rarely tried anything like that with the women he'd had sex with and the fact Riza was enjoying this only turned him on all the more.

She really was perfect, his perfect match. Everything he had dreamed of and more. And she said she loved him – she had come back this morning. He should have never doubted her. She had been with him every step of the past 8 years, helping and supporting him, and now that she knew her love was returned, she would never leave him. If there is a god, please don't take her away from him.

He pulled himself up beside her, far enough to kiss her lips, his hand slipping down between her legs. She moaned again, rubbing herself against his hand. She was absolutely soaking, her silky folds swollen and ready for him. She really had been turned on by his bites.

His tongue gently pushed into her mouth, the combined taste of him, the caramel and the coffee teasing her taste buds. He always tasted so good! Every movement revealed his emotions, the strokes of his tongue against hers, gliding across her hard palate and her teeth.

Then her concentration moved to his hands, his fingers stroking her gently, brushing ever so lightly over her clit. She couldn't help but whimper as two fingers slipped into her body, stretching and twisting and pulling, her hips rocking to draw him deeper.

Her own hands slid down over his body, fingernails scraping down his back, stopping only briefly to squeeze his ass. As good as he had looked walking naked down the hallway back to the bedroom, giving her a nice view of his backside along the way, feeling him in her hands was ten times better. With each squeeze, his teeth closed on her tongue, hard enough to hurt but not enough to not break skin.

Her hand slid over his hip, coming around to squeeze his cock. The minute she touched him, he released her mouth to let out a groan, a sound that grew louder as she stroked him with a firm hand. It turned to a hoarse cry when she used her fingernails lightly.

"Riza! Stop it, I'm going to come if you keep doing that!" His voice was slightly shaky as he tried to control the growing desire. She gave a small disappointed sound and relaxed her hand, releasing him. He sighed in relief before bending his head to nuzzle at her collarbone.

"Riza, will you turn over onto your stomach for me?" He asked softly, raising his head to look into her face. Her soft smile never wavered as she rolled over, turning her head to keep her eyes locked with hers. There was no hesitation or questioning looks on her face, she trusted him completely. He reached up to stroke her cheek as she gave him a kiss. "I want fuck you from behind…" he whispered into her mouth.

A shiver ran up her spine, arousing her even more by his words. Placing small quick kisses along his jaw, she worked her way up his neck. It was his turn to shiver as her hot breath whispered in his ear, "You know, I really love it when you talk dirty." She lowered her mouth to bite his shoulder. A sharp intake of breath followed by a moan of pleasure told her he didn't mind when she played rough too. "I need you, Roy, I want you inside me," she whispered desperately.

"Anything you want…"

She raised herself to her hands and knees and moved further up on the bed, waiting for him. Positioning himself behind her, his hands slid down her sides, over the soft curves of her hips and her smooth skin. He could do this for now, touch her and stroke her and kiss every part of her and he never wanted to stop. He didn't want to be apart from her, he wanted to keep her close forever. For a short time, they could be together, she could care for him in his home under the guise of a concerned friend and assistant.

That would change when he was well, everything they did would be scrutinized, they would be watched and all their time would need to be accounted for. Their entire time in the office would need to be apart, interrupted perhaps by the casual brush of their hands when exchanging paperwork. But for now, for a brief moment, they could stay here in bed together, touching and holding each other as much as possible.

Leaning over he placed a kiss on the lowest symbol on her back. He would try to see the scars the way she did. When she showed him this secret so many years ago, she had placed her trust in him and trust was something that held them together. Even when apart, they had something to keep them together; for her the marks on her back and for him the wounds on his stomach inflicted by that homunculus. It was the pain he had had to overcome to save her from that creature that would remind him how important she was and how, like her, he didn't want to live if the she died. But he had saved her and she was alive, on her knees and naked before him, legs parted, hips thrust back, her pussy dripping wet with her juices and ready for his cock.

Holding her by the hips, he pushed himself into her, sighing at how tight and warm she was. She whimpered softly at his intrusion, wriggled her hips, her body stretching to accommodate him. He was just so hard and strong, filling her completely, making her feel whole like no one else could.

"Ahhh, you feel so good..." She groaned. Pulling back slightly, he forced himself back into her, her hips pushing back against him. Reaching under her, he caressed her breasts, rolling their weight gently in his hand, tugging at a nipple while his other hand stroked her ass. Sliding his hand lower, he encountered the tender skin where they were joined, her skin stretched tightly around him, the point where his cock was thrusting into her pussy and his balls were slapping against her clit, each motion drawing a soft sound of pleasure from her.

"Harder, Roy. Please…" He could barely hear her over the pounding in his ears from the blood rushing through his veins. She was so sweet and so tight, begging for him to fuck her harder. He happily complied, watching as she fell to her elbows to hold her ground, steadying herself for his thrusts. God she was beautiful like this, her hair falling over her shoulders, showing the symbols burned into her back down to the gentle flair of her hips. Maybe he could learn not to hate those symbols as much as he once had. He slid his hand further up between her legs, brushing lightly across her clit.

"Roy…" she sobbed between harsh breaths. "More… Oh, Roy…" He couldn't help but smirk as she called his name. It was a rush, something he loved hearing from her lips, he loved listening to her as she called his name with her beautiful voice, breathy and needy and begging for more. He could listen to her forever.

"Roy," she begged. "Just fuck me as hard as you can!"

This time he caught the little nub of flesh between his fingers, rubbing hard and sure, and she came, her body responding violently, bucking against his. Her body tightened around him, squeezing and clutching at him, massaging him. He could feel himself getting closer as he continued thrusting into her, the rippling of her tight muscles surrounding him left him yearning for more. With one last brush of his hand, he moved his hand further up until he could place a flat palm on her lower belly, enjoying the feeling of her stomach muscles contracting under his hand. His release was minutes, no, merely seconds away.

Then he was exploding inside her, his body shuddering uncontrollably and a guttural groan coming from his throat. With a last strong thrust, he collapsed over her, her body supporting him until she finally lowered herself to the mattress with his added weight, her body still clenching around him with her aftershocks. After a moment she tipped him off to her side and with a quick turn, she had him in her arms, his head resting on her shoulder.

"I love you Riza." He whispered into her soft skin. "I love you so much it hurts."

"I think it hurts because you're not healed yet."

"Nope. I'm pretty sure it's because I love you." She couldn't help but notice how easily his words slipped from his lips, and how good it sounded coming from him. Those words had to be the sweetest ones in the entire language.

"I love you too," she said, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "And I'm never going to get tired of hearing you saying such things."

"Good, because I intend to say it quite often."

"Just not in public. There are regulations about this," she said sadly.

"I know."

"And there are reasons for those regulations."

"I know that too," he said tilting his head up to look at her.

"We aren't above those regulations; as members of the military we abide by them and we obey our orders."

"Alchemists are different," he mumbled.

"But not above the rules."

"Some of them are."

"Fine, maybe as an alchemist you are, but I'm not."

"What if I order you to have sex with me?"

She ignored his question, deeming it unworthy of being answered. "You really aren't above the law either. Anything you do from now on will be scrutinized and examined, every action searched for any misconduct on your part."

"Riza, we can verbally deny our relationship until we're blue in the face. We could even pretend we don't love each other but it doesn't change the fact that I care more for you than I should.

But even if none of this ever happened, and I tried to forget, I would still love you and it would influence any decision I made. I will try not to let my emotions change things, but subconsciously, they might. Just because it's against the rules, no one can stop me from loving you."

They both lay in silence for a little while, just enjoying the feeling of their bodies touching in such an intimate manner.

"So even if we'd never kissed, we would still love each other and it would influence our choices regardless if we had consummated out relationship."

"Yes."

"And just because we are physically intimate, it wouldn't necessarily change our behaviors from when we were apart and denying our emotions. Nice piece of rationalization." She smiled.

"Its not rationalization if it's the truth. I'm not willing to be apart from you. I can't take the thought of losing you when I just found you." With his arms wrapped around her, he squeezed her tighter and kissed her neck. "I can't look at you every day and know I can never hold you in my arms again. I need you Riza."

"I need you too, Roy." Silence again blanketed the room and the only movements were caused by their breathing. "We're going to have to come to an agreement over what's acceptable in public."

"I'm afraid nothing is acceptable in public."

"How about the office? You said Havoc and the men know?"

"Mmm-hmm." He replied lazily, his eyes still closed. It was nice curled up next to her. He had never been a man comfortable with cuddling after sex, but then again, none of those women had been Riza.

"We can trust them with our secret, right?"

"You'd trust any of them with your life, right?" She nodded and he continued speaking. "Then you can trust them with our secret. I bet they would be willing to overlook a kiss now and then."

"That doesn't mean we can be careless."

"Of course not, but I do believe I would get more paperwork done if I had a little incentive."

"What kind of incentive?" she asked warily.

"Well, it's hard enough to concentrate with you in the office. How will I be able to do any work when all I can think of is you? You on the couch, in my chair, on my desk, up against the wall…" he smirked.

"Incorrigible."

"Of course, but you love me anyway. Certainly we could find a way to work out some sort of reward system." He paused and smirked up at her. "What would you be willing to give me for doing all of my paperwork?"

"Seeing as the odds of you actually catching up with _all_ of your paper work is zero, let's say I'll do whatever you want for a full day."

"Whatever I want? Including the night?"

"Mmmmm-hmmm."

"Even if it's a little kinky?"

"Probably. But I have my limits."

"I was hoping that would be the reward for completing just _one_ report."

"Humph," she sniffed. "That's a little too high; I'd never get any sleep."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"How about a kiss per report?"

"That's all?"

"If you play your cards right, that kiss might lead somewhere."

"I suppose it will do. For now." He turned his head and kissed her chest again. "You're still sticky," he stated.

"And whose fault is that?"

"Mine." He said like a rebuked child. "You know a nice warm shower would take that right off."

"No showers for you, your bandages will get wet."

"Does that mean I get a sponge bath?"

"Depends on how good you are while I shower."

"At least let me watch you."

"I suppose we can do that …" she said rising from the bed and leading him toward the bathroom. "But no touching or getting in with me."

"Can I at least tell you where to touch yourself?"

She turned and gave him a mischievous smile. He couldn't help but return her grin and in the next second, he was the one pulling her toward the bathroom.

* * *

Once the sun had gone down, on the street outside, a figure in the shadows stood watching Mustang's building. 

"Heard everything you needed to?" the man asked.

"More than enough." A disembodied voice hissed from the shadows. "You were right; I believe we have discovered Mustang's weakness..."

* * *

Author's note: All right, I'm leaving it at that. I'm not terribly pleased with the last lemon, but I'll fix it in the next edit. The idea is now that after reading this, one could slip seamlessly back into the manga (approx...) without having had any of the canon events altered. I've been thinking of this story as an unseen side story. And yes, I'm implying that this little affair is how Pride and Wrath discovered Riza would be the best hostage – as if one couldn't tell just by watching the pair. 

And ending it here has its advantages. Frankly, because I have a dirty mind, I would have loved to throw a few more smut scenes in, but for the sake of FF(dot)net, I decided not to. I'm willing to bend the rules a bit further than usual for this story because it started as a clean one-shot that was hijacked by smutbunnies and I just followed where they lead. But outright and intentional annihilation of FF(dot)net's rules is not something I really want to do. So, here's my plan: every now and then I just feel the need to write a lemon with a bit of angst (who am i kidding, that's about all I do), and I enjoy writing for this pairing, so I'll pick a few places in the manga where I think there should be a lemon and I'll write it as a separate one-shot. These I'll post as oneshots acknowledging this story as previous events for those fics on my LJ account, mediaminer, and any other place that doesn't mind me posting smut. Because of explicitness, this intentionally leaves out FF(dot)net. If you only read my stuff from FF(dot)net and don't want to check out other websites for these smut scenes, send me your email address and I'll email you a link when I post any new lemons I write from this storyline. I'm willing to take scene suggestions, too.

And now I can start reading other people's FMA fics again! I found if I read fics in the same fandom as I'm writing, I tend to pick up phrasing and ideas from those fics and then I don't write with my own style, as unpolished as it is. It's entirely possible I could take a really good phrase I read and unintentionally put it in my story. If I'm reading another fandom, the odds of that happening and someone noticing are lower. I don't endorse plagiarism and if I do borrow a phrase, I didn't do it intentionally. My goal is now to read at least one fic by each reviewer.

Now for the questions – please review and answer one or two, these are specific questions I have about my writing because I really do want to improve:

- So was the second foreplay/oral/lemon too long? too detailed?

- I actually _tried_ to write angst here (i usually don't try, it just shows up). Was it enough? Too much?

- Characterization. I usually try to write Riza as a stronger character than in this one. Did I capture their characters – any specific places that stand out as either good or bad?

- I tend to change perspectives from paragraph to paragraph (sometimes sentence to sentence), switching from first to third and back, especially during the lemons. Does this distract from the scenes?

Like all my fics, I'll leave this alone for a few weeks or months and come back for a final edit. Thanks for taking the time to read this, a bigger thank you to everyone who took the time and made the effort to review and please, will you leave me one last message to know how I did and can improve? (sorry for the long a/n)


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